Dear Friend,
It's been 5 years since you were horrifyingly taken from this world and all the people who love you. I think about you often and wonder what you would have said to me about some of the things I've done in the past 5 years.
I "re-enlisted" at Luther Seminary and now have 2 Masters degrees from there. During that time, I met and fell in love with my husband Jason (remember when I said I didn't think I'd ever get married, well, I have and he's a pastor no less. ;)) He is the sweetest, most wonderful man. And remember how I said I would never move to some small town in the middle of nowhere but would always try to live in or near a city, well I've moved to a small town in Montana far away from a metropolitan area. Some days I handle it better than others. And remember how I said I didn't want kids, but maybe when I was in my late 30s early 40s I might consider adopting, well, I now have the most precious son in the world, Preston. He is one of the lights of my life. :)
It was not easy to pick up my life and move to Fairfield, nor was it easy once we got here. About a month after we arrived we lost our first child, which was the most devastating experience of my life. I can honestly say that I don't remember much of what happened from mid-July to the moment I found out I was pregnant again on Thanksgiving Day 2011. I remember going to our good friends' Tauna and Erik's wedding, and celebrating at a baby shower for really good friend Michelle, but other than that, most of that time is a blur. It was an eerily similar feeling to how I felt after I found out you had been killed and the months afterwards. I'm not sure what heaven is like but one of the only consolations I have, is an instinctive feeling that our unborn child is being well looked after until we see each other again. I had and still have that same feeling about you and all of the other people I loved and cared about who have left this world.
I used to be scared to branch out and take chances on people, on life. I blame it on my introverted personality as well as my past, plus some major anxiety about failure, but since I met you, I have found myself taking leaps and bounds into uncharted territory, with mostly wonderful results. I just wish you were here to share in them with me. I miss you and good-bye for now, until we meet again.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
My Adventures in Pregnancy and Motherhood
To be honest, I wasn't sure how to start this blog post or how to conclude it. I am no longer pregnant, having given birth to our amazing son, Preston Richard Pollington on August 1 at 6:55pm. I had an emergency c-section due to concerns of Preston being too big to fit through my pelvic area. This kind of thing happens sometimes with women who have gestational diabetes. We have bigger babies and therefore are more prone to complications giving birth naturally.
So I had a c-section after what seemed like the fastest and slowest 4 hours of my life. My water broke at home around 2pm, while everyone was out doing stuff and I was home alone for a few minutes. I had no contractions until we were on our way to the hospital, but they were not horrible yet. Only after we got to the hospital and in my room did they get really bad. By then I had been in labor for about 2 hours and it was somewhere in the 4pm hour. The next two hours were excruciating and then around 6pm the on-call doctor came in and talked to us.
My ultrasound I had the day before showed Preston to be 9lbs. 4oz with +/- 1lb 6oz variant. So he could have been born a 10lb+ baby or in the high 7lbs range. They didn't want to take any chances and neither did we so 45 minutes later, Preston was born, a healthy 7lb 12oz. I guess I really did do a good job of keeping my blood sugar levels to a normal level during the second half of my pregnancy. It was really hard sometimes to do, but it all worked out. :)
The real fun began after Preston was born. There ended up being some complications with me anyway and I had to stay in the hospital for 6 days. Jason and Preston stayed in the hospital with me the whole time. Let's just say, we ended up watching a lot of the Olympics. We also had the good sense to bring our netflix dvd with us, which was a few episodes of the 1st season of Fringe. When we couldn't take it anymore, Jason went out and bought the 1st season of Modern Family, which is something we should have done much sooner. I love that show!
After we got home, I was still pretty weak, but very grateful to be home with my family and out of the hospital. Needless to say, 5 weeks after Preston was born, I am still recovering but doing much better than I was. When I go in for my postpartum check up on 9/21, I'm hoping my doctor gives me the okay that my incision has healed fully and I can start lifting heavier things. This will be awesome because then, Preston and I can go for walks each day, get some fresh air. Right now, I am not allowed to lift anything heavier than my son, who is a little over 9lbs now, probably. Therefore, I can't lift the carrier or get the stroller down the front door stairs to go out. But soon we'll be able to make our escape from the house everyday. :)
Anyway, I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining, because I could definitely go into the details of my ailments the past 5 weeks. I don't want to do that though. See, in the end, despite how hard it has been, plus add on top of that the sheer exhaustion that comes with having a newborn, it was/is all worth it. Would I do some things differently to somehow prevent some of my ailments, absolutely, but I wouldn't trade having our little munchkin for anything in the world. He's our precious little drama king, our little baby Preston.
So I had a c-section after what seemed like the fastest and slowest 4 hours of my life. My water broke at home around 2pm, while everyone was out doing stuff and I was home alone for a few minutes. I had no contractions until we were on our way to the hospital, but they were not horrible yet. Only after we got to the hospital and in my room did they get really bad. By then I had been in labor for about 2 hours and it was somewhere in the 4pm hour. The next two hours were excruciating and then around 6pm the on-call doctor came in and talked to us.
My ultrasound I had the day before showed Preston to be 9lbs. 4oz with +/- 1lb 6oz variant. So he could have been born a 10lb+ baby or in the high 7lbs range. They didn't want to take any chances and neither did we so 45 minutes later, Preston was born, a healthy 7lb 12oz. I guess I really did do a good job of keeping my blood sugar levels to a normal level during the second half of my pregnancy. It was really hard sometimes to do, but it all worked out. :)
The real fun began after Preston was born. There ended up being some complications with me anyway and I had to stay in the hospital for 6 days. Jason and Preston stayed in the hospital with me the whole time. Let's just say, we ended up watching a lot of the Olympics. We also had the good sense to bring our netflix dvd with us, which was a few episodes of the 1st season of Fringe. When we couldn't take it anymore, Jason went out and bought the 1st season of Modern Family, which is something we should have done much sooner. I love that show!
After we got home, I was still pretty weak, but very grateful to be home with my family and out of the hospital. Needless to say, 5 weeks after Preston was born, I am still recovering but doing much better than I was. When I go in for my postpartum check up on 9/21, I'm hoping my doctor gives me the okay that my incision has healed fully and I can start lifting heavier things. This will be awesome because then, Preston and I can go for walks each day, get some fresh air. Right now, I am not allowed to lift anything heavier than my son, who is a little over 9lbs now, probably. Therefore, I can't lift the carrier or get the stroller down the front door stairs to go out. But soon we'll be able to make our escape from the house everyday. :)
Anyway, I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining, because I could definitely go into the details of my ailments the past 5 weeks. I don't want to do that though. See, in the end, despite how hard it has been, plus add on top of that the sheer exhaustion that comes with having a newborn, it was/is all worth it. Would I do some things differently to somehow prevent some of my ailments, absolutely, but I wouldn't trade having our little munchkin for anything in the world. He's our precious little drama king, our little baby Preston.
Monday, April 23, 2012
My personal adventure and comments about pregnancy (read at your own risk)
I haven't posted a blog for a while, because life has been unpredictable and crazy for a while. Now, I know this blog post is going to offend some people, but it's my blog and I'm going to write what I want to.
Today I am going to vent about pregnancy. Now, I know I shouldn't bitch and complain because I know I am lucky to be able to get pregnant in the first place. And I am grateful, truly, I am. I can't wait to meet our little guy in a few months and overall the time has gone by really fast.
Pregnancy does suck though. Seriously, it sucks. I can say that because it's been really rough for me. First of all, I was already overweight before I got pregnant for the second time, from not having lost much weight after my first pregnancy miscarried. So already I was at a disadvantage.
Then, after several stressful weeks of constant going, going, going in March, I had to take a pee test. Yes, I had to pee in a cup and pour it into a jar that the lab gave me and keep that jar on ice for 24 hours, so they could check to see if I had proteins in my urine, which is a sign of preeclampsia. Luckily, I do not, but the whole experience sucked ass anyway.
After having to pee in a jar, I went back to my ob/gyn (who is fantastic by the way) and she asked me to do an early glucose test because diabetes runs (or ran, they are all dead now except my aunt and one cousin) in my father's family. So I drove into Great Falls, which is about 40 miles away and took the one hour glucose test, which I failed. I then got to go back in on Good Friday to take the 3 hour glucose test, which I also failed. So now I have to deal with gestational diabetes for the next few months; poking my finger 4 times a day and checking my blood sugar levels and counting every single carb I eat all day to get an amount of total carbs I've eaten in a day. It's getting less obnoxious has I get used to counting my carbs and poking my finger.
Today I had an appointment with a dietrician (sp?) who was amazing. But now I also have to give myself insulin shots at night to help with my fasting blood sugar levels. It will also help with my blood sugar throughout part of the next day. It's supposed to last between 14 and 16 hours, mostly doing its work while I'm sleeping. All of this poking of fingers and insulin shot nonsense, I was told will be done once our little guy arrives. Of course, they will still monitor me for a while to make sure things go back to the way they should be after I give birth to little guy, but everyone who is helping me with my gestational diabetes has been very hopeful, which eases some of my stress and anxiety about the whole situation.
So basically, for me, pregnancy is not awesome, in fact, it sucks, alot! Pregnancy sucks, but everything that comes after will be awesome and wonderful and I can't wait to meet our little dude!
Today I am going to vent about pregnancy. Now, I know I shouldn't bitch and complain because I know I am lucky to be able to get pregnant in the first place. And I am grateful, truly, I am. I can't wait to meet our little guy in a few months and overall the time has gone by really fast.
Pregnancy does suck though. Seriously, it sucks. I can say that because it's been really rough for me. First of all, I was already overweight before I got pregnant for the second time, from not having lost much weight after my first pregnancy miscarried. So already I was at a disadvantage.
Then, after several stressful weeks of constant going, going, going in March, I had to take a pee test. Yes, I had to pee in a cup and pour it into a jar that the lab gave me and keep that jar on ice for 24 hours, so they could check to see if I had proteins in my urine, which is a sign of preeclampsia. Luckily, I do not, but the whole experience sucked ass anyway.
After having to pee in a jar, I went back to my ob/gyn (who is fantastic by the way) and she asked me to do an early glucose test because diabetes runs (or ran, they are all dead now except my aunt and one cousin) in my father's family. So I drove into Great Falls, which is about 40 miles away and took the one hour glucose test, which I failed. I then got to go back in on Good Friday to take the 3 hour glucose test, which I also failed. So now I have to deal with gestational diabetes for the next few months; poking my finger 4 times a day and checking my blood sugar levels and counting every single carb I eat all day to get an amount of total carbs I've eaten in a day. It's getting less obnoxious has I get used to counting my carbs and poking my finger.
Today I had an appointment with a dietrician (sp?) who was amazing. But now I also have to give myself insulin shots at night to help with my fasting blood sugar levels. It will also help with my blood sugar throughout part of the next day. It's supposed to last between 14 and 16 hours, mostly doing its work while I'm sleeping. All of this poking of fingers and insulin shot nonsense, I was told will be done once our little guy arrives. Of course, they will still monitor me for a while to make sure things go back to the way they should be after I give birth to little guy, but everyone who is helping me with my gestational diabetes has been very hopeful, which eases some of my stress and anxiety about the whole situation.
So basically, for me, pregnancy is not awesome, in fact, it sucks, alot! Pregnancy sucks, but everything that comes after will be awesome and wonderful and I can't wait to meet our little dude!
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