I am not a coffee drinker, except for on very rare occassions. I don't like the after taste it leaves in my mouth and I get a major high with a major crash when the caffeine starts to wear off. All in all, I only drink coffee in extreme cases. Today is one of those cases.
I slept fine for the most part last night, although I think at one point Jason was coughing violently in the middle of the night and I in my sleep said something to him. I can't remember exactly, but it was something along the lines of "Silence, I kill you." An ode to Achmed the dead terrorist. But I can't be sure I actually said that until I ask Jason tonight when I see him.
Anyway, I thought I slept well last night. I got up after sleeping in till, well, I can't remember what time I got up and did my usual morning routine with the inclusion of watching an episode on netflix instant of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Hey, if I'm going to complete one of my dayzeroproject goals that I actually remember, watching the rest of the series of Buffy on netflix instant by the end of February, I've got to watch an episode or two a day.
Okay, so I watched an episode of Buffy, took a shower and got ready for work. Said goodbye to Jason as he left for class and then for whatever reason I became so exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open. I somehow made it to work without falling asleep on the bus, which was a task in itself and then did some copying and filing. I was walking around like a zombie with zero energy. I couldn't even get my brain to work enough to talk to my boss in more than to syllable words.
Thus I broke down and went to the coffee room on my floor and poured myself a half a cup of non-de-caf coffee with a little bit of sugar and sweetner. Straight black coffee is gross. And so now I have just enough energy to type this blog and hopeful get through the rest of the day. I might need to top myself off in a little bit because I have plans to hang out with my buddy Karen tonight after work.
It looks like it is going to be a busy weekend too. Oh, won't Jason be excited that he gets to have some peace and quiet this weekend to do his own thing. Don't worry too much honey, I'll still be around some of the time to shake things up. ;-) Love YOu!!!
So that is the story of why I broke down and drank some coffee today. I hope you enjoyed it. I'm sure there will be a sequel in the near future so stay tuned.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2010 in a nutshell and hopes for 2011
At the beginning of last year, I made some goals for myself that I wanted to work on throughout the year. Some were goals that had deadlines, others were goals that I need to continuously do and work on. Here is the list:
Goals:
1) Finish paying off bad debt, or almost all bad debt
2) Plan wedding with Jason and Get married
3) Spend more time with family in the area
4) Be better about staying in touch with family and friends
5) Be more adventurous, don't say never
6) Find solutions to my academic predicament including passing German exam before Fall semester 2010
I have completed goals 1, 2, 6 and have improved on 3, 4, and 5. Still working on 3, 4, and 5 though. These are goals I always have and will always have.
This year I have decided to do something different. I'm not going to make goals for myself. There are too many transitions taking place this year to have any set goals. (If you want to see a list of goals I set for myself over the next few years though, check out my DayZero Project to do list on facebook. Wait, I deleted it for now because the DayZero website isn't working, but if/when it comes online again, I will repost it on facebook and you can look at it.) The fact is, I have no idea where Jason and I will be living in a year from now and it is freaking me out. I am trying to keep my cool about it, but so many people want to know where we are going to be after graduation. My answer continues to be, "Don't have a clue. I'll get back to you when I find out."
As for 2010, it was truly one emotional roller coaster of a year. At the beginning of the year, I was planning on quitting school and finding another part-time job to go along with the one I already have. I picked up more hours at the office I work at in anticipation of this happening. And it didn't. Instead I got myself a new advisor, took an independent study that would become part of a chapter of my thesis, and am now on my way to graduating in May 2011.
I got married to the most wonderful man in the world, Jason Pollington on September 4, 2010. Many of our friends and family were able to come and we missed those who were unable to make it. I could feel you all there with us that day and it was awesome. I have never been more exhausted in my life though.
A few days after our wedding, Jason started his fall semester classes at the sem. and I went back to work and continued working on my thesis proposal. The next few months were a blur. Work and thesis took up most of my brain energy. I could be sitting in a room surrounded by family or friends and I would be thinking about what I wanted to write next for my thesis, or something I wanted to change in my thesis, or frustrated because I couldn't find some particular information that I really wanted to include in my thesis. See, I was consumed with my thesis.
The year went by in a blur. Many movie adventures, a date with So You Think You Can Dance, and several short trips around the midwest happened in 2010. 2010 was my first Thanksgiving and Christmas being married (obviously) and it was great. We spent Thankgiving with my parents and brother and we had an early Christmas with them the weekend before we took left for Montana to spend Christmas with Jason's parents and his brother and family. It was a short trip and I had so much fun spending time with Jason's family. Jason's sister and her family were unable to make it and we missed them a lot. I'm hoping that soon we will get out to New Hampshire to visit my sister, Mike and the kids. That would be awesome.
Towards the end of the year, I received news from my parents that my cousin Eyleen was dignosed with stage 3 breast cancer. After I talked to mom, I had a bit of a break down which Jason got me through and then made the decision to do something I've wanted to do for a long time. This year, 2011, I am going to walk in the Susan G. Kolmen 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk in honor of my cousin. I love you Eyleen! You are an inspiration!
Other parts of the year were rough as well. Jason was in Valparaiso Indiana until the middle of August and I saw him once a month. He was my own personal cheerleader in July when I ran the 5K at Lumberjack Days in Stillwater. It was nice to have him there.
I think the best part of the year was our wedding. It was so good to see everyone enjoying themselves and I got to marry my best friend and love.
Okay, so I know that I said at the beginning that I wasn't going to make any solid goals for myself this year, but seriously, this is me we're talking about. I am far too goal oriented not to make a few goals. So here's the list for 2011:
1) Walk the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk, wherever I happen to be living after graduation
2) Finish my thesis and graduate in May of this year
3) Travel and visit family and friends around the country (as money permits)
4) Work on DayZero list if I can ever get to it again.
I'm sure there are more, but for now, these will suffice.
I truly wonder what 2011 will bring. For one thing, there will be another move in the future. Oh joy, how I love moving. There will be excitement and adventure, stress and frustration. It will be another year, like every other year, but new things will happen, both large and small, and I am excited to see what happenings will be.
Goals:
1) Finish paying off bad debt, or almost all bad debt
2) Plan wedding with Jason and Get married
3) Spend more time with family in the area
4) Be better about staying in touch with family and friends
5) Be more adventurous, don't say never
6) Find solutions to my academic predicament including passing German exam before Fall semester 2010
I have completed goals 1, 2, 6 and have improved on 3, 4, and 5. Still working on 3, 4, and 5 though. These are goals I always have and will always have.
This year I have decided to do something different. I'm not going to make goals for myself. There are too many transitions taking place this year to have any set goals. (If you want to see a list of goals I set for myself over the next few years though, check out my DayZero Project to do list on facebook. Wait, I deleted it for now because the DayZero website isn't working, but if/when it comes online again, I will repost it on facebook and you can look at it.) The fact is, I have no idea where Jason and I will be living in a year from now and it is freaking me out. I am trying to keep my cool about it, but so many people want to know where we are going to be after graduation. My answer continues to be, "Don't have a clue. I'll get back to you when I find out."
As for 2010, it was truly one emotional roller coaster of a year. At the beginning of the year, I was planning on quitting school and finding another part-time job to go along with the one I already have. I picked up more hours at the office I work at in anticipation of this happening. And it didn't. Instead I got myself a new advisor, took an independent study that would become part of a chapter of my thesis, and am now on my way to graduating in May 2011.
I got married to the most wonderful man in the world, Jason Pollington on September 4, 2010. Many of our friends and family were able to come and we missed those who were unable to make it. I could feel you all there with us that day and it was awesome. I have never been more exhausted in my life though.
A few days after our wedding, Jason started his fall semester classes at the sem. and I went back to work and continued working on my thesis proposal. The next few months were a blur. Work and thesis took up most of my brain energy. I could be sitting in a room surrounded by family or friends and I would be thinking about what I wanted to write next for my thesis, or something I wanted to change in my thesis, or frustrated because I couldn't find some particular information that I really wanted to include in my thesis. See, I was consumed with my thesis.
The year went by in a blur. Many movie adventures, a date with So You Think You Can Dance, and several short trips around the midwest happened in 2010. 2010 was my first Thanksgiving and Christmas being married (obviously) and it was great. We spent Thankgiving with my parents and brother and we had an early Christmas with them the weekend before we took left for Montana to spend Christmas with Jason's parents and his brother and family. It was a short trip and I had so much fun spending time with Jason's family. Jason's sister and her family were unable to make it and we missed them a lot. I'm hoping that soon we will get out to New Hampshire to visit my sister, Mike and the kids. That would be awesome.
Towards the end of the year, I received news from my parents that my cousin Eyleen was dignosed with stage 3 breast cancer. After I talked to mom, I had a bit of a break down which Jason got me through and then made the decision to do something I've wanted to do for a long time. This year, 2011, I am going to walk in the Susan G. Kolmen 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk in honor of my cousin. I love you Eyleen! You are an inspiration!
Other parts of the year were rough as well. Jason was in Valparaiso Indiana until the middle of August and I saw him once a month. He was my own personal cheerleader in July when I ran the 5K at Lumberjack Days in Stillwater. It was nice to have him there.
I think the best part of the year was our wedding. It was so good to see everyone enjoying themselves and I got to marry my best friend and love.
Okay, so I know that I said at the beginning that I wasn't going to make any solid goals for myself this year, but seriously, this is me we're talking about. I am far too goal oriented not to make a few goals. So here's the list for 2011:
1) Walk the 3 Day Breast Cancer Walk, wherever I happen to be living after graduation
2) Finish my thesis and graduate in May of this year
3) Travel and visit family and friends around the country (as money permits)
4) Work on DayZero list if I can ever get to it again.
I'm sure there are more, but for now, these will suffice.
I truly wonder what 2011 will bring. For one thing, there will be another move in the future. Oh joy, how I love moving. There will be excitement and adventure, stress and frustration. It will be another year, like every other year, but new things will happen, both large and small, and I am excited to see what happenings will be.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Feeling a Bit Nostalgic today...
I hope I spelt nostalgic right. If I didn't, I blame it on my cold. I go from seeing clearly, to blurry because my eyes don't seem to want to focus properly.
Anyway, I am feeling a bit nostalgic today. It is a blizzard outside, I think I'm driving my husband crazy because I have no verbal filter when I am sick, and it is coming up to the end of the year.
But today I am especially thinking about my 2000 trip out East for my sister's wedding. It was the second time that I remember almost the whole family gathered together. I had just gotten back to the United States after a two week trip to Spain with my high school. Before that, I had graduated from high school. The day after I got back, I hopped on a plane to Boston and from there rode up to New Hampshire with my parents and brother. I just remember being cranky and exhausted. After a good nights sleep I was still tired and a little less cranky, but more able to be around people.
The wedding was beautiful and I was asked to read a passage during the ceremony, which was such an honor. The reception was fun with good food and dancing.
Then all the relatives headed down to my Uncle Mark and Aunt Lois's house, where, from what I remember, we all stayed for the next few days. We happened to be there over the 4th of July. While the rest of my family went and watched the fireworks, my cousins Eyleen and Jen took me to my first rave. I was 18 and it was an experience I will never forget. What I remember most about it was that Eyleen didn't give it a second thought about my going. She asked me if I wanted to go to a party with her and Jen and I said yes. Being shy and feeling awkward I wanted to hang out with my older cousins because it made me feel cool. It was a great decision.
I got offers from people to buy me drinks, which I did not accept begrudgingly. My cousin Jen was hit up to buy marajuana by some kid and while Jen and I mostly stood by the wall watching the people at the rave, Eyleen danced. She danced all night and at one point got me to go and dance with her as well and Jen came too. It was my first rave, my first major party and it was awesome!
I have always loved the east coast, but that was the trip I fell in love with the Northeast part of the country. It completely changed my life, for everytime I am there now, I feel like I can breath easier, like I am home. It was also the first time I felt truly accepted by and accepted my new family. See just the March before, 1999, my mom and step-dad Ted were married. I had met Ted's family before, but due to my history with extended family members, which without going into the gory details, was not good, I was leery of allowing Ted's family into my life, with the exception of my step-sister Steph and of course Ted.
This trip changed it all, I felt welcomed always and began to open up to my new family and never looked back. It took my sister's wedding and a rave to accomplish it and I could not ask for a more loving and wonderful extended family. I am sorry I do not keep in better touch. I get that from my dad Ted I suppose. ;) I love you all and God bless!!!
Anyway, I am feeling a bit nostalgic today. It is a blizzard outside, I think I'm driving my husband crazy because I have no verbal filter when I am sick, and it is coming up to the end of the year.
But today I am especially thinking about my 2000 trip out East for my sister's wedding. It was the second time that I remember almost the whole family gathered together. I had just gotten back to the United States after a two week trip to Spain with my high school. Before that, I had graduated from high school. The day after I got back, I hopped on a plane to Boston and from there rode up to New Hampshire with my parents and brother. I just remember being cranky and exhausted. After a good nights sleep I was still tired and a little less cranky, but more able to be around people.
The wedding was beautiful and I was asked to read a passage during the ceremony, which was such an honor. The reception was fun with good food and dancing.
Then all the relatives headed down to my Uncle Mark and Aunt Lois's house, where, from what I remember, we all stayed for the next few days. We happened to be there over the 4th of July. While the rest of my family went and watched the fireworks, my cousins Eyleen and Jen took me to my first rave. I was 18 and it was an experience I will never forget. What I remember most about it was that Eyleen didn't give it a second thought about my going. She asked me if I wanted to go to a party with her and Jen and I said yes. Being shy and feeling awkward I wanted to hang out with my older cousins because it made me feel cool. It was a great decision.
I got offers from people to buy me drinks, which I did not accept begrudgingly. My cousin Jen was hit up to buy marajuana by some kid and while Jen and I mostly stood by the wall watching the people at the rave, Eyleen danced. She danced all night and at one point got me to go and dance with her as well and Jen came too. It was my first rave, my first major party and it was awesome!
I have always loved the east coast, but that was the trip I fell in love with the Northeast part of the country. It completely changed my life, for everytime I am there now, I feel like I can breath easier, like I am home. It was also the first time I felt truly accepted by and accepted my new family. See just the March before, 1999, my mom and step-dad Ted were married. I had met Ted's family before, but due to my history with extended family members, which without going into the gory details, was not good, I was leery of allowing Ted's family into my life, with the exception of my step-sister Steph and of course Ted.
This trip changed it all, I felt welcomed always and began to open up to my new family and never looked back. It took my sister's wedding and a rave to accomplish it and I could not ask for a more loving and wonderful extended family. I am sorry I do not keep in better touch. I get that from my dad Ted I suppose. ;) I love you all and God bless!!!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Snow, Snow Everywhere...
One of the things I love about working on the 48th floor of a building is that it feels like I am in a snow globe when it snows. It is beautiful to witness.
In other news:
I am officially on a diet. I have been feeling sluggish lately from eating too much and not exercising enough. Therefore, I have decided to start counting my calories daily and to go the gym at least three times a week for at least 45 minutes. If we had more room in the apartment, I would love to get a Wii or an XBox 360 with Kinects (sp?) and dance myself into a sweat. Sadly that will have to wait until we live in a place with more space, like anywhere else. It is hard to motivate myself to go back out into the cold again once I get home from work, so this could be interesting. I am going to make every effort to do it though, despite my reservations of going out in the cold.
I have been looking at the goals I set for myself in January lately, seeing which ones I accomplished and which ones I still need to work on. I will update you on those towards the end of the month.
It is astonishing how fast this year has gone by, at least for me anyway. But the year is not over yet, so for now, I am going to read a little more of my TIME magazine and then go watch the snow fall some more.
P.S. If you get a chance, I highly recommend picking up a TIME magazine with their TimeFrames cover. It gives an interesting perspective on the past ten years. I am not saying I agree with everything written on the various topics they picked to cover. I do find it informative though.
In other news:
I am officially on a diet. I have been feeling sluggish lately from eating too much and not exercising enough. Therefore, I have decided to start counting my calories daily and to go the gym at least three times a week for at least 45 minutes. If we had more room in the apartment, I would love to get a Wii or an XBox 360 with Kinects (sp?) and dance myself into a sweat. Sadly that will have to wait until we live in a place with more space, like anywhere else. It is hard to motivate myself to go back out into the cold again once I get home from work, so this could be interesting. I am going to make every effort to do it though, despite my reservations of going out in the cold.
I have been looking at the goals I set for myself in January lately, seeing which ones I accomplished and which ones I still need to work on. I will update you on those towards the end of the month.
It is astonishing how fast this year has gone by, at least for me anyway. But the year is not over yet, so for now, I am going to read a little more of my TIME magazine and then go watch the snow fall some more.
P.S. If you get a chance, I highly recommend picking up a TIME magazine with their TimeFrames cover. It gives an interesting perspective on the past ten years. I am not saying I agree with everything written on the various topics they picked to cover. I do find it informative though.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Does Time = Creativity?
Over the past few weeks I have been having a really hard time concentrating and writing my thesis. I was not organized and I couldn't get my thoughts in order to write anything of significance. I few weeks ago I was able to write quite a few pages in one sitting which got me energized. After that, though, I have not had a lot of time and when I do, I have a hard time writing more than a few pages at a time. This is not good.
This week is Thankgiving week. All the students at the seminary had the whole week off; I have Wednesday to Sunday off. Wednesday I went to the library and did not get much done. It was extremely frustrating because the roads were somewhat crappy in the evening and we ended up fighting traffic for 1.5 hours. It could definitely have been worse though.
Yesterday evening and all day today I have been on a roll, which got me thinking about time and creativity and ideas. When I am constantly going and get one day to really focus on writing I have a hard time focusing and instead find that can't concentrate and am not creative with my ideas. With little work done on Wednesday, no time writing on Thursday and a little bit of writing on Friday, I find that I am refreshed and creative today. In fact, I am going to finish chapter two of my thesis today, and it is not going to be the worst rough draft ever written.
Over the last few days off, I have been able to relax and do a lot of things that typically cause distractions for me on a normal week. Relaxation time, turned into reading for fun time (yes, I started read for a second time Bram Stoker's Dracula), and watching movies/the newest netflix we got in the mail. I have spent some quality time with my family because we stayed over night on Wednesday and stayed until around 9pm Thursday night. I spent time with my friend Karen, and we went to see HP7 on Friday afternoon. I have spent quality time with my husband and will probably see if I can head down to my friend Michelle's tonight, depending on when I finish writing chapter 2. See I only have three or so pages left and I will be finished with chapter 2 of my thesis at least until I get my advisors revision comments back (whenever that may be. I still haven't received anything for chapter 1.)
Anyway, just some food for thought. For now, I am going to get back to writing so then I can hopefully head to Michelle's for a bit tonight. :-)
This week is Thankgiving week. All the students at the seminary had the whole week off; I have Wednesday to Sunday off. Wednesday I went to the library and did not get much done. It was extremely frustrating because the roads were somewhat crappy in the evening and we ended up fighting traffic for 1.5 hours. It could definitely have been worse though.
Yesterday evening and all day today I have been on a roll, which got me thinking about time and creativity and ideas. When I am constantly going and get one day to really focus on writing I have a hard time focusing and instead find that can't concentrate and am not creative with my ideas. With little work done on Wednesday, no time writing on Thursday and a little bit of writing on Friday, I find that I am refreshed and creative today. In fact, I am going to finish chapter two of my thesis today, and it is not going to be the worst rough draft ever written.
Over the last few days off, I have been able to relax and do a lot of things that typically cause distractions for me on a normal week. Relaxation time, turned into reading for fun time (yes, I started read for a second time Bram Stoker's Dracula), and watching movies/the newest netflix we got in the mail. I have spent some quality time with my family because we stayed over night on Wednesday and stayed until around 9pm Thursday night. I spent time with my friend Karen, and we went to see HP7 on Friday afternoon. I have spent quality time with my husband and will probably see if I can head down to my friend Michelle's tonight, depending on when I finish writing chapter 2. See I only have three or so pages left and I will be finished with chapter 2 of my thesis at least until I get my advisors revision comments back (whenever that may be. I still haven't received anything for chapter 1.)
Anyway, just some food for thought. For now, I am going to get back to writing so then I can hopefully head to Michelle's for a bit tonight. :-)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Less Frustrated about Life...
Dear Friends,
There is a very loud individual grunting in the stacks in the Luther Seminary library. He just walked up the stairs and it sounds like a herd of elephants with a few disgruntled grunts every few seconds. It was hilarious.
Anyway, the last time I blogged I was feeling very down about life. I felt like I was failing at everything; my marriage, my family and friends, my thesis and at work. After writing that blog I did a lot of thinking and came up with a few conclusions in no particular order.
Since I am spending this afternoon working on my thesis, I'll start with that. I am not failing on my thesis. Though it is taking me much longer to write than I want it to, it doesn't mean I'm failing working on it. By the end of November I'll definitely have two chapter written and maybe even 3, depending on whether or not I am still having trouble finding information for chapter 4. This is very awesome and I should not get down about the length of time it is taking me.
My marriage is going great! I love spending time with Jason and have started to become comfortable not going home right away after work so I can go to the library for a little bit and work on my thesis. Jason and I have also started working out in God's Gym a few nights a week because I want to get in shape and lose a little weight and he comes with because he wants to do the same. The fact that he is not sick of me yet just goes to show that he's the real deal for me.
My family and friends, I do my best to keep in contact with them. I am still horrible about calling people, not that I don't want to talk to my family and friends, the opposite actually, I'm just not good at talking on the phone. It will be a life long process, my learning to be comfortable with talking to people on the phone. As for those of my family and friends in the area, I am trying to make a greater effort to hang out with them more. This is why I get down about my thesis taking me so long to write. When I am done writing it, I will have vast quantities of time to go to movies in the evenings or go hang out at someone's house and watch a favorite TV show. I miss that a lot.
As for work, well it is work and as much as it makes my stomach roll whenever I walk out off the elevator when I first get there everyday, I need the job to pay the major bills and finish paying off my credit card debt. I opted not to take out student loans because I only have to pay a grand total of $450 this year in fees. Of course, the school screwed up and charged me my continuation fee twice, which I still have to deal with, but taking out more student loans just did not make sense at the time. It still doesn't make sense, although I ache in ever fiber of my being to be a true student and spend my days writing my thesis and my nights either with my husband or friends or my husband with friends. Either way, my job gets in the way of me being what I love to be, a scholar, an academic, a student. I love all these things but can not be any of them fully because I don't have the amount of time I need to be these things.
I just keep telling myself that my job will end at the end of May, and I will be done with my thesis at the end of April. Once those two things happen, I am free. Just have to get to the end of May. I can do that. It is only 6.5 months, and let me tell you, that time is going to fly by so fast. ;-)
There is a very loud individual grunting in the stacks in the Luther Seminary library. He just walked up the stairs and it sounds like a herd of elephants with a few disgruntled grunts every few seconds. It was hilarious.
Anyway, the last time I blogged I was feeling very down about life. I felt like I was failing at everything; my marriage, my family and friends, my thesis and at work. After writing that blog I did a lot of thinking and came up with a few conclusions in no particular order.
Since I am spending this afternoon working on my thesis, I'll start with that. I am not failing on my thesis. Though it is taking me much longer to write than I want it to, it doesn't mean I'm failing working on it. By the end of November I'll definitely have two chapter written and maybe even 3, depending on whether or not I am still having trouble finding information for chapter 4. This is very awesome and I should not get down about the length of time it is taking me.
My marriage is going great! I love spending time with Jason and have started to become comfortable not going home right away after work so I can go to the library for a little bit and work on my thesis. Jason and I have also started working out in God's Gym a few nights a week because I want to get in shape and lose a little weight and he comes with because he wants to do the same. The fact that he is not sick of me yet just goes to show that he's the real deal for me.
My family and friends, I do my best to keep in contact with them. I am still horrible about calling people, not that I don't want to talk to my family and friends, the opposite actually, I'm just not good at talking on the phone. It will be a life long process, my learning to be comfortable with talking to people on the phone. As for those of my family and friends in the area, I am trying to make a greater effort to hang out with them more. This is why I get down about my thesis taking me so long to write. When I am done writing it, I will have vast quantities of time to go to movies in the evenings or go hang out at someone's house and watch a favorite TV show. I miss that a lot.
As for work, well it is work and as much as it makes my stomach roll whenever I walk out off the elevator when I first get there everyday, I need the job to pay the major bills and finish paying off my credit card debt. I opted not to take out student loans because I only have to pay a grand total of $450 this year in fees. Of course, the school screwed up and charged me my continuation fee twice, which I still have to deal with, but taking out more student loans just did not make sense at the time. It still doesn't make sense, although I ache in ever fiber of my being to be a true student and spend my days writing my thesis and my nights either with my husband or friends or my husband with friends. Either way, my job gets in the way of me being what I love to be, a scholar, an academic, a student. I love all these things but can not be any of them fully because I don't have the amount of time I need to be these things.
I just keep telling myself that my job will end at the end of May, and I will be done with my thesis at the end of April. Once those two things happen, I am free. Just have to get to the end of May. I can do that. It is only 6.5 months, and let me tell you, that time is going to fly by so fast. ;-)
Monday, November 1, 2010
When is it time?
When is it time to say enough is enough? Sometimes I feel so stretched that I'm about to break, like a rubber band being stretched so far that you can begin to see it fraying. When is it time to just call it quits and throw in the towel? I have a hard time giving up on anything I do or anyone I care about. So is there ever a time to say enough is enough, or do we keep on doing what we are doing and hope for the best? Sometimes I wish I could just throw my hands up and say I don't care, but I've never been able to do that. Most of the time I take things far too personally, when the reality is that there's not much I can do about someone else, I can only do the best I can to be a good family member, friend, colleague and hope I don't piss too many people off in the process. Anyway, I am mostly wondering how others cope with this feeling of frustration. As long as it doesn't cost money (that's a whole other frustration all together) I'm willing to listen to suggestions.
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