A Bit Sentimental I Suppose...

I really should be heading to bed right now. A few minutes ago, I put my head down on my desk and fell asleep, but promptly awoke because I was starting to get a crook in my neck. And yet, here I am, blogging at 11:30 at night because a thought came to me. It's one of those thoughts that come fleetingly and yet stay with you for several lingering moments afterward. My thought: "How strange it is, the road life takes us; the people we meet, the things we find ourselves doing that we never thought in a million years we'd do."

If you knew me in college, you would have never, ever thought I'd end up getting two masters degrees from a Lutheran seminary. You'd never thought, "I bet she's going to get a Masters of Art in the History of Christianity and a Masters of Theology in Islamic Studies and then go to another seminary to get her PhD in Medieval Church History with an emphasis in the early Crusades era in Palestine." Seriously, at that time, I would have never thought it either. But here I am, going into my second year of the Masters of Theology program at Luther Seminary, studying Islamic Studies, preparing to take the language exam at the end of the summer in German, and gathering all the materials I need to apply to other seminaries for my PhD in Medieval Church History.

It is absolutely shocking where life takes us, how we as children of God meander the many roads of life, towards our given vocations; some as pastors, some as lay leaders in the church and communities throughout the world, some as teachers and professors, others as lawyers, doctors, delivery workers, military men and women, etc., etc.

This thought process often comes to me at random, but most often when I run into, or catch up with someone I have not seen or talked to in a long time. It is exciting to see where their lives and vocations have taken them. It is fascinating to find out what has changed and what has stayed the same. As for myself, too much has happened for me to be the same person I was when I started college, too much joy and too much pain. And that is life. I like to say, "Life is just one shit storm after another, but every once in a while there is a clearing, a glimmer of hope upon the horizon, which we must cling to, hope and faith get us through it all somehow. And then the shit storm starts again after only seconds of relief, but we remember the clearing and smile."

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time in a land far far away called Northeast Minneapolis there lived a 27 year old Seminary student. She gave up trying to find a second part time job for the summer and is living very modestly on what she makes at her office job, which incidentally she found out on Thursday she will be losing in January, probably. On the plus side, she is finding many things to do over the summer to keep her busy. This includes but is not limited to: studying German in order to pass the language exam at the end of the summer, gathering the necessary materials for PhD applications that will be sent out in the fall, doing research for her thesis that she will be working on throughout the coming school year, saving money to return to the Holy Land in January 2010 with Luther Seminary and company, reading for fun, and hanging out with friends and her wonderful boyfriend Jason.

All in all a fun and busy summer.

And now from this point on I will be writing in the first person.

This last weekend I helped move one of my favorite people in the world and her family. The former Sarah Hartung, now Sarah Goldammer was the first person at Luther Seminary my first time around who invited me to do something outside of classes. We went and saw the Harry Potter movie that came out in the fall of 2005 and have been friends ever since. Thank you for taking a chance on me. You have no idea how much you changed my life and I will be forever grateful for it. I am excited to celebrate her ordination with her July 13th.

The people who are supposed to be doing work on the house may actually show up starting tomorrow again. I've gotten so used to them not being there, it will be hard to get back into the groove of getting up earlier than need be and get out of the house by 9 or 9:30 during the week. It will be nice to have them finally finish and get the hell out.

This past weekend has been wonderfully relaxing and I feel rejuvenated. I spent some quality time with my roommate Jen before she left for her travels to Myanmar. I am so glad she gets to go and experience all the awesome things she'll get to experience. I will miss her very much while she is gone, but she will be back in August sometime and I'll get to hear all about it, which I am very much looking forward to.

Last night, Jen, Doug, Dana and I went to the Stone Arch Bridge fireworks show in Minneapolis. It was a really good show and the company was wonderful. It is where I went the day I met Katherine Olson two years ago. I only shed a few tears and being surrounded by friends was great. I still miss you Katherine, but as the old adage goes, time does heal all wounds. Though some will never go away, the hurt will dull over time, to the point where on certain days, a moment of silence and reflection with help get one through the day. Overall a very good day! :)

Let's see, is there anything I haven't covered. Nope. Therefore I will pause for now. Until the next time, may your days be good and God be with you!

Holy Dude, It's been a while...

It's been so long since I last blogged I forgot I even had a blog. So much has happened since February that I don't even know where to begin. Therefore I have decided not to recap the last few months but just start with the recent past.

This last weekend, Memorial Day weekend, many of my friends graduated from Luther Seminary. I am so very proud of them all and wish them all the best in their respective ministries. It will be exciting to see where the future leads them all. Love you guys!!!

I recently started dating a wonderful man, who I am just crazy about. Never thought that would happen, but it has and I am so happy that God put this person in my life.

It is now the summer season, well at least in school lingo. I have had a hell of a time finding a second part-time job to go along with my office job for the summer. I intend to keep looking until I find something, but if I don't I have some contingency plans.

If I don't find a second job here are a few options for me to fill the time this summer:
1) Research PhD programs at various Seminaries and Universities in Medieval Church history/Medieval History
2) Continue researching for my thesis I will be writing all next school year
3) Work on German vocabulary and go to various study groups throughout the summer
4) Work on Arabic grammar and vocabulary
5) Go to friends ordinations
6) Find fun creative non-money spending things to do throughout the summer
7) Relax and read some books for fun!
8) Movies, movies, movies!

So yeah, hopefully I am able to find a second job, but if not, I have plenty of things to do to keep me occupied.

Oh, and I can update my blog more often too!

Shocking...

I know! This is my second post in two days. But I just had to share this with you all. Working on the 48th floor of a building is great. Today it is so foggy that I can not see out of the windows. It is just gray. It is extremely cool looking. I am currently among the clouds, which is an awe-inspiring feeling. Not sure why I felt the need to share this with you all. It is just really neat and I hope someday you all can experience it for yourselves.

My Fortress of Solitude...

As many of you know, I have my own personal Fortress of Solitude. I decided to spend the weekend there regrouping and getting ready for classes to start this week. I don't actually have a lot of classes. I only have class on Tuesday night and Friday afternoon until the second half of the semester when I pick up one more class on Tuesday afternoons. Anyway, that's not really the point.

Being an extreme introvert, having a fortress of solitude to escape to is essential for my mental stability. If I don't get enough alone time I get tired and irritated. I almost shut down in social situations if I don't get enough alone time. This is not good for anyone involved. Therefore, having a fortress of solitude is an important part of my life.

Another good thing about my fortress of solitude is that it is a great place to muse over life and the future. Most of the most important decisions I've ever made in my life have been made while at my fortress of solitude. And I over the weekend I have done just this exact thing. I've been thinking a lot about my next course of action in life, because frankly, I'm not exactly sure I like the way it's heading. I've felt this way since the end of fall semester which was right before Christmas and each day it nags at me more and more. So I am doing some research and talking to people and I have a few options that I'm pretty excited about. I'll let you know more when I have made my final decision.

Oh, and the last time I blogged I said I wanted to come up with a list of things I hope to accomplish this year 2009. Here they are in no particular order:

-Get a new job. (This has to do with my rantings above.)
-Go to California to visit my brother
-Go on a date with someone I actually like
-Move into a house or an apartment with "free" laundry facilities
-Sign up to take the Foreign Service exam to become a Foreign Service Officer (Also has to do with my rantings above.)
-Actually learn Arabic and keep up with all the other languages I know
-Have someone dictate my story (since every time I try to write it, I get frustrated because it seems so flat and lifeless) my part of a collective effort between myself and three close friends.
-Try to find peace with the past or at least begin to...this I may never fully accomplish, but it is something I can strive to do everyday, if for no other reason than to learn and become a better person from and through it.

So there it is...my list and rantings. I'll save the rest of my inner dialog for another day. I think what I have written will suffice for now.

January

I know I know. It's been over two months since I last blogged. Part of that time was devoted to finishing up classes for fall semester, which included but was not limited to, hundreds of pages of reading, several papers, and final papers + final Arabic exam. Then there was Christmas and then New Year's Eve. But really, there was plenty of time for me to sit down and write something. I just didn't know what to write about. Or maybe it was more like I just didn't feel inspired to sit at my computer and type something that would seem mundane and uninspired.

A year ago today, I was with a wonderful group of people from Luther Seminary and company in the Holy Land. I can't remember exactly where we were or what we were doing. For that I would have to refer back to my journal which is not with me right now. Currently I am visiting my fortress of solitude and freezing my ass off in what was my old room when I was growing up. My big girl bed is now used as a holding ground for mom's random things she has nowhere to put or just hasn't gotten around to finding a better place for. (Note to self: I need to get my big bed up to my place at some point. Probably when Karen and I move this summer.)

I've never really liked the month of January. It is a slow month and it takes me the entire month to stop writing the previous year on my checks and other random things I need the date for. I'm still writing 2008 on things. And no, I'm not a moron, it just takes me a while to get used to writing the new year. Which seriously people, should not be a problem since I have to write 2009 on things at work all the time. In fact just yesterday I typed in 2008 on a bunch of stuff and had to go back into the database and change it all. At least it took some time away from having to hear my boss suck loudly on his goddamn lifesavers. He might as well be standing right next to me and doing it in my ear, which sometimes happens. BOO!!! I don't need to hear people masticating their food or anything for that matter. Please for the love of all that is good in this world, chew with your mouth closed. Please, I'm begging you for my own sanity and for the sanity of others who can't stand it either.

Got to go change my laundry...be right back...

Ok back...I love how changing your laundry ends up taking 10 minutes, because you have to take it out of the dryer and fold it so it doesn't get wrinkled and then have to be forced to iron it so you don't look like shit when you finally wear that particular piece of clothing, and then if you are doing more than one load of laundry you have to put the stuff in the washer in the dryer and then before you know it, 10 minutes have passed in your life that you can never get back.

January. It is a slow and boring month. It has always been a hard month for me to get through for many reasons. At least in the summer months when I am bored and have nothing I particularly want to or need to do I can go for a walk and clear my head without getting frostbite and literally freezing my ass off. One of my goals this year is to save a bunch of money to go on a trip next January whether with Luther Seminary or just on my own to visit people. I think it is a worthy goal and one I am going to begin working on right away. I think my next post will be a musing on goals I want to have for the next few years, but specifically this year, 2009. If nothing else I will force me to update my blog instead of waiting another two months.

The Random Stuff of Life...

I'm sitting at my computer listening to David Gray with my headphones on as to not disturb my roommate Karen. As usual, I don't have anything specific I want to write about, but rather just a summary of what the last month has been like for me. Well, it has been extremely busy. Considering all I do anymore is go to school and sit in class, go to the library and sit at my carrel (officially dubbed "my cube") and commute to work then come home exhausted. But this is not complaining even though it might come off as though I am. Really, aside from the commuting to work at the office for twelve hours a week, I am quite content with my life right now.

There have been ups and downs this past month along with the busyness of it all. One of the ups was driving down to Nebraska for Theresa and Tom Jacobson's wedding. Just getting the hell out of Minnesota for a few days was refreshing. Although the drive there and back was less than fun. I had good company though, with my navigator being the lovely Jen Kuntz. I got to see a few people I had not seen in a while which was also great. And of course two of the most wonderful people I know getting married just made the whole weekend marvelous.

And now for the down...On October 25th it was one year since a friend of mine, Katherine Ann Olson was murdered. I went over to a good friend, Carrie's apartment and with Nathan and Sarah ate Middle Eastern food and watched Love in the Time of Cholera as a celebration of Katherine's life. The food was great (Carrie cooked) and the movie was interesting to say the least, but this day started a week of mourning. And here's where the extreme busyness comes into play. I drowned myself in my work so then I would not randomly cry or feel so depressed with the memories of a year ago. This of course didn't work because Thursday, Oct. 30th I broke down crying in chapel during David Lose's (sp?) sermon. This last year was the day of Katherine's wake. Sometimes I would be sitting at my cube and a random moment, memory would come into my mind from that day a year ago. For example, on October 27th, memories of Jane and Justin's wedding would come up, and that day this year was ok for me. But the following day was a rough day because October 28th last year was the day Veronica told me about Katherine's death, so October 28th this year was really bad for me. I know it probably sounds weird to people that this is how I was able to deal with my grief this year, but ignoring it and pretending everything is ok is not healthy. And if this is the only way I could figure out how to deal with it and get through the week then so be it.

But I was not alone in my grief. The support of my family and friends was amazing. When I needed a should to cry on they were there. It was amazing. It was truly what I believe is the kingdom of heaven, the communion of saints; because these people are saints. And even though I was in therapy with God that whole week, I know God was there with me in suffering because God suffered with us in the crucifixion of Jesus Christ and we are reborn again in the resurrection. I feel as though I am resurrected from my suffering. I feel like a new person. Tears can be so cleansing.

There are always tough times to face, sometimes horrifyingly tragic, sometimes just the daily stress of life, but we have a choice. Do we want to be dragged down by these events, people, what-have-you, or do we want to rise up and become the person we are meant to be, stronger for our trials, survivors (not victims) to live another day, with the hope of a better tomorrow? I choose life! I will always choose life because at the end of the day, I can't imagine a greater adventure I could or would want to be a part of.