The Random Stuff of Life...

I'm sitting at my computer listening to David Gray with my headphones on as to not disturb my roommate Karen. As usual, I don't have anything specific I want to write about, but rather just a summary of what the last month has been like for me. Well, it has been extremely busy. Considering all I do anymore is go to school and sit in class, go to the library and sit at my carrel (officially dubbed "my cube") and commute to work then come home exhausted. But this is not complaining even though it might come off as though I am. Really, aside from the commuting to work at the office for twelve hours a week, I am quite content with my life right now.

There have been ups and downs this past month along with the busyness of it all. One of the ups was driving down to Nebraska for Theresa and Tom Jacobson's wedding. Just getting the hell out of Minnesota for a few days was refreshing. Although the drive there and back was less than fun. I had good company though, with my navigator being the lovely Jen Kuntz. I got to see a few people I had not seen in a while which was also great. And of course two of the most wonderful people I know getting married just made the whole weekend marvelous.

And now for the down...On October 25th it was one year since a friend of mine, Katherine Ann Olson was murdered. I went over to a good friend, Carrie's apartment and with Nathan and Sarah ate Middle Eastern food and watched Love in the Time of Cholera as a celebration of Katherine's life. The food was great (Carrie cooked) and the movie was interesting to say the least, but this day started a week of mourning. And here's where the extreme busyness comes into play. I drowned myself in my work so then I would not randomly cry or feel so depressed with the memories of a year ago. This of course didn't work because Thursday, Oct. 30th I broke down crying in chapel during David Lose's (sp?) sermon. This last year was the day of Katherine's wake. Sometimes I would be sitting at my cube and a random moment, memory would come into my mind from that day a year ago. For example, on October 27th, memories of Jane and Justin's wedding would come up, and that day this year was ok for me. But the following day was a rough day because October 28th last year was the day Veronica told me about Katherine's death, so October 28th this year was really bad for me. I know it probably sounds weird to people that this is how I was able to deal with my grief this year, but ignoring it and pretending everything is ok is not healthy. And if this is the only way I could figure out how to deal with it and get through the week then so be it.

But I was not alone in my grief. The support of my family and friends was amazing. When I needed a should to cry on they were there. It was amazing. It was truly what I believe is the kingdom of heaven, the communion of saints; because these people are saints. And even though I was in therapy with God that whole week, I know God was there with me in suffering because God suffered with us in the crucifixion of Jesus Christ and we are reborn again in the resurrection. I feel as though I am resurrected from my suffering. I feel like a new person. Tears can be so cleansing.

There are always tough times to face, sometimes horrifyingly tragic, sometimes just the daily stress of life, but we have a choice. Do we want to be dragged down by these events, people, what-have-you, or do we want to rise up and become the person we are meant to be, stronger for our trials, survivors (not victims) to live another day, with the hope of a better tomorrow? I choose life! I will always choose life because at the end of the day, I can't imagine a greater adventure I could or would want to be a part of.