It's my birthday today. It was a lovely day, which is quite shocking because it is usually rainy and dreary. I spent much of the day outside once I got home and took some allergy medicine. Some good friends of mine and I went out to Old Chicago last night and then spent some time on the 3rd floor of Bockman hall being loud and keeping people awake. It was super fun.
Today has been lovely so far. I went to class this morning and then chapel. From there I went and sat in the dining hall for a while and then went and bought my tickets for the senior dinner at the Science Museum and the Saints game. Apparently I signed up to go to the senior barbeque too, which I had totally forgotten about. Then I went back to the dining hall and had some cafeteria pizza which was good and then went and worked out after my food settled. Then I went home and took a shower, took some allergy medicine and went for a walk. I've been napping in and out a lot this afternoon too. Overall, it's been a great day. It is starting to get cloudy though and looks like it is going to rain. Oh, well, at least the day was nice.
Oh, funny story. Apparently the St. Paul police department was really bored last night because they gave me a $25 ticket for parking too high on a patch of dirt outside my apartment building. Who knew that was a big deal around here?!
I am just having a really good day. Yesterday was fun, today has been fun, hopefully tomorrow will be fun, and I'm going down and hanging out with the parental units on Sunday to relax and get away for a few hours. I have to work on one of my job applications Sunday with my mom. Not that I need her help, it's just that I really want this job so I'm going to have her proofread and give me ideas of how to make it better, etc... The job is 6 months working at the British Museum helping curate for a project while the regular curator is on maternity leave. How amazing would that be to live in London for 6 months. So yeah, I really want this job and all the material for it is due by email on Monday by noon.
So that's about all that's going on with me these days. Just hanging out doing my thing doing my thing just one year older. The only thing that would make this birthday better is if I found a nice guy that I actually like to take me on a date. I'm confident that that will happen someday. Someday a guy will come along who is not put off by my often eccentric nature and independence and take me for who I am, a crazy graduate from Luther Seminary who takes life one day at a time and holds nothing back. What you see is what you get my friends. Sorry to burst anyone's bubble but that's just the way it goes.
I want to end by saying thank you all for being you and being my friends. You all make life so much more interesting than it would be. Thank you and love you all.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Fun Quote from Early Church History class with Skip Sundberg
•“But if that is not enough for you, you Devil, I have also shit and pissed; wipe your mouth on that and take a hearty bite.”
• quoted in Oberman, Luther, p. 107
I"ll write a new blog later today, I just had to share this with you all now.
I"ll write a new blog later today, I just had to share this with you all now.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Do you ever...
Do you ever find yourself pissed off for no reason? Do you ever wonder what would happen if you randomly disappeared for a while? Would anyone notice? Or better yet would anyone care? Do you ever really want something you know you'll never get/have?
Do you ever find yourself sublimely happy and can't explain why? Do you ever have so much fun with others that you don't want the night to end? Do you ever find yourself asking why these nights don't happen more often? And of course the most obvious question of all...
what's next?
I wonder about all these things. I have experienced all these things. It is strange I know but sometimes one needs to ponder questions like these. Whenever I do, I end up realizing what is and who are truly important in my life and the rest of the mundane bullshit seems to fall away. For one clear instance, I am able to understand what life is all about and then it all gets muddled up again with mundane craptacularness. But I suppose that is the way things go.
I am not a patient person, so waiting to be able to take the next step has been hard for me. I just want to take it and worry about the rest later. I'm too impulsive sometimes. Anyway, I'm getting off track...
I ponder these questions when I am stressed, when I am waiting, and when I realized that I have missed out on an opportunity due to whatever reason. I also ask these questions when things are looking up, like when I have a moment of pure happiness for no apparent reason. I just wonder if other people ask questions like these too.
Do you ever find yourself sublimely happy and can't explain why? Do you ever have so much fun with others that you don't want the night to end? Do you ever find yourself asking why these nights don't happen more often? And of course the most obvious question of all...
what's next?
I wonder about all these things. I have experienced all these things. It is strange I know but sometimes one needs to ponder questions like these. Whenever I do, I end up realizing what is and who are truly important in my life and the rest of the mundane bullshit seems to fall away. For one clear instance, I am able to understand what life is all about and then it all gets muddled up again with mundane craptacularness. But I suppose that is the way things go.
I am not a patient person, so waiting to be able to take the next step has been hard for me. I just want to take it and worry about the rest later. I'm too impulsive sometimes. Anyway, I'm getting off track...
I ponder these questions when I am stressed, when I am waiting, and when I realized that I have missed out on an opportunity due to whatever reason. I also ask these questions when things are looking up, like when I have a moment of pure happiness for no apparent reason. I just wonder if other people ask questions like these too.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
More random thoughts...shock surprise
Ok, I'm much calmer now than when I wrote my last post. See I told you I would be more hopeful in my last post and I am. Today has been a great day so far. I went to the Seminary and sat in the class I TA for for an hour, getting annoyed by the fact that everything is taken out of its own context and compared to Luther. It was a pretty good discussion though. Then I met with Haemig and told her I wanted to know where I could find the extra information her and Farag asked me to put in my thesis, and was able to laugh to myself because she couldn't find it herself, but gave me some suggestions as to "possible" places I could look. Pretty ironic don't you think. After lunch I ran into Jane, Doug, and Amanda and we went up to Doug's room and watched the movie "Running with Scissors". Want to see a fucked up movie based on someone's personal memoirs, see this. This was followed by good conversation and just general relaxing fun. Now I am back at my apartment in the process of deciding what I want to eat for dinner.
Today has been a good day so far and tonight is bowling time, WOOHOO!!!! I love bowling, even though I'm not good at it. Who cares as long as your having fun, right? And I was reading my friend's post, which made me smile because there are only 26 days of classes left.
Of course there are plenty of things I have to get done in those 26 days as does everyone else. I have made a list, because I like lists and if I don't have twenty strategically placed throughout my apartment and school stuff I forget to do something. For example, before next Friday I have to go to the DMV to renew my license because I'm turning old. Tomorrow I have to hunt down one of the two TA's for Confessions and finish my reciting which is just Holy Communion and the Keys. I have to finish my thesis revisions and turn it into the library before May 15. I have to do my loan exit counseling. See plenty of things to do school wise in the next 26 days.
I also have to get a job. I've been looking and applying and will keep doing so until I have a job. Sadly it will probably end up being some crap desk job for a while until I get some more work experience, but that's ok because I truly believe things will work out in the end. I will win the day and do the work I was born to do, write books and produce documentaries on the history of the Christian Church. To many who will be reading this blog, this may sound very lame, but I don't care, it is awesome and when I finally reach my goal I will be able to wake up every morning and actually enjoy going to work and what I do.
Today has been a good day and tonight will be tons of fun going bowling.
Today has been a good day so far and tonight is bowling time, WOOHOO!!!! I love bowling, even though I'm not good at it. Who cares as long as your having fun, right? And I was reading my friend's post, which made me smile because there are only 26 days of classes left.
Of course there are plenty of things I have to get done in those 26 days as does everyone else. I have made a list, because I like lists and if I don't have twenty strategically placed throughout my apartment and school stuff I forget to do something. For example, before next Friday I have to go to the DMV to renew my license because I'm turning old. Tomorrow I have to hunt down one of the two TA's for Confessions and finish my reciting which is just Holy Communion and the Keys. I have to finish my thesis revisions and turn it into the library before May 15. I have to do my loan exit counseling. See plenty of things to do school wise in the next 26 days.
I also have to get a job. I've been looking and applying and will keep doing so until I have a job. Sadly it will probably end up being some crap desk job for a while until I get some more work experience, but that's ok because I truly believe things will work out in the end. I will win the day and do the work I was born to do, write books and produce documentaries on the history of the Christian Church. To many who will be reading this blog, this may sound very lame, but I don't care, it is awesome and when I finally reach my goal I will be able to wake up every morning and actually enjoy going to work and what I do.
Today has been a good day and tonight will be tons of fun going bowling.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Feeling a little better and ready to raise some hell...
I've been sick the past few days which has totally stunk. I have also had alot of time to think about what happened on Monday with my thesis "conversation" (yeah right, conversation my ass), and I'm feeling a little upset about the result. They decided to approve me with revisions, whatever the fuck that means. So I have decided to fight back. There are somethings worth fighting for and most of the time with this whole process I have taken it, bitched about it, but did it anyway.
I let my advisor tell me what I was going to write about, I even used the outline she wrote for me and I wrote about everything that was on that outline. Now she and my second reader are telling me how I should have written it; well fuck them. I say hell no to that. If they are going to get me to bar myself in the library again for their revisions then they are going to have to do better than the fact that they would have included the information in their paper if they would have written it. Well they didn't fucking write it I did. I included the information I thought was necessary to prove my point. I even asked all of the five other people who read my thesis if I accomplished what I set out to do in an organized and informative way and all replied yes.
But apparently because I left out some information Haemig and Farag would have included if they had written the paper, I now have to hide away in the library again looking through tons of books to find one that might give me the information they are looking for me to add. This is bullshit to the millionth degree and I'm not going to put up with it anymore. I've been fucked over too many times by Haemig, this is the last straw. I'm going to meet with her tomorrow and point blank ask her for a real reason, aside from the fact that I didn't include information she thought I should have in it because it is information she would have included, to why I have to do this. I'm not spending the next two weeks in the library because I didn't write my paper or include information as she would have if she wrote my thesis. This is not her goddamn paper it is mine and I'm not letting anyone no matter who it is take that away from me. I didn't spend the entire month of March, alienating my friends and family, living and breathing my thesis to be told that it's not good enough because it's not written the way someone else would have written it. I gave up too much for that to be the end conclusion.
I am tired of being pushed around and getting crapped all over. So now, I am going to raise some hell and fight back, even if I lose, I'm still going to fight because I don't want to be taken advantage of anymore. I would rather fight and lose than sit back and be completely disrespected more than I already have been.
P.S. My next post will hopefully be more positive than this one is, but right now I just need to vent.
I let my advisor tell me what I was going to write about, I even used the outline she wrote for me and I wrote about everything that was on that outline. Now she and my second reader are telling me how I should have written it; well fuck them. I say hell no to that. If they are going to get me to bar myself in the library again for their revisions then they are going to have to do better than the fact that they would have included the information in their paper if they would have written it. Well they didn't fucking write it I did. I included the information I thought was necessary to prove my point. I even asked all of the five other people who read my thesis if I accomplished what I set out to do in an organized and informative way and all replied yes.
But apparently because I left out some information Haemig and Farag would have included if they had written the paper, I now have to hide away in the library again looking through tons of books to find one that might give me the information they are looking for me to add. This is bullshit to the millionth degree and I'm not going to put up with it anymore. I've been fucked over too many times by Haemig, this is the last straw. I'm going to meet with her tomorrow and point blank ask her for a real reason, aside from the fact that I didn't include information she thought I should have in it because it is information she would have included, to why I have to do this. I'm not spending the next two weeks in the library because I didn't write my paper or include information as she would have if she wrote my thesis. This is not her goddamn paper it is mine and I'm not letting anyone no matter who it is take that away from me. I didn't spend the entire month of March, alienating my friends and family, living and breathing my thesis to be told that it's not good enough because it's not written the way someone else would have written it. I gave up too much for that to be the end conclusion.
I am tired of being pushed around and getting crapped all over. So now, I am going to raise some hell and fight back, even if I lose, I'm still going to fight because I don't want to be taken advantage of anymore. I would rather fight and lose than sit back and be completely disrespected more than I already have been.
P.S. My next post will hopefully be more positive than this one is, but right now I just need to vent.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Back to the Drawing Board...
My brother left today to head back to film school in Florida, and life seems a little more dull now that he is gone again.
Now everything is continuing on as before and I'm back to the drawing board. I spent a little over two hours yesterday afternoon getting ready for my thesis defense tomorrow. Two pastor friends of mine graciously agreed to read my thesis and meet with me to help prepare me for my discussion. I think it went well, and they told my mom that they thought I was more than ready for tomorrow, which is good to know.
Last night I went to see the movie Grindhouse with Ralph. It is so freaking weird, that it is great. It is one of the most bizaare movies I have seen in a long time, which is why I like it so much, especially the first movie, Planet Terror. Robert Roderigez and Quentin Tarrantino are fucking crazy. I love it. But now I have lost my movie going buddy again until he comes back to visit in July. It's just not as fun to go to the movies without my brother unit, because we have crazy discussions about the movie before and afterwards, what we liked about it and what we would have changed and if we were to make a movie what it would be about, etc, etc.... We're kind of nerdy like that.
Ralph also knows how to calm me down when I get too worked up over something stupid. Most people just try and tell me to calm down or try to be supportive, but Ralph, he just tells me to stop being dumb and that it's not a big deal and to get over it. He then tells an amazingly funny joke that makes me laugh for a long time and everything is ok after that. I'm going to miss that.
For example, yesterday as we were driving up to see Grindhouse in Lakeville, I was telling Ralph about this guy who I consider a friend of mine at school, and how I don't understand why this person can't figure out what to say to me and the fact that this person always seems to be extremely uncomfortable around me. I don't know if this makes any sense but it is the best way to describe what happens whenever there is a group of people hanging out and we both happen to be there. This guy acts like he wants to talk to me but he doesn't know what to talk to me about. Here's a helpful hint: just start talking and see where the conversation leads us. So I told all this to my brother Ralph and he just looked over at me and said, "I don't get what the big deal is. I don't pay attention to that kind of stuff, so really, does it even matter?" I thought about it for a second and replied, "no, actually it really doesn't." I was making a big deal out of something that doesn't even matter.
But now I have to try and focus on finishing up school and getting a job, which is hard to do right now, especially the giving a crap about school part. When I am done being over-dramatic about my brother leaving, I'll get back to work. Right now, I just feel like watching some crappy cable TV and taking a nap.
Now everything is continuing on as before and I'm back to the drawing board. I spent a little over two hours yesterday afternoon getting ready for my thesis defense tomorrow. Two pastor friends of mine graciously agreed to read my thesis and meet with me to help prepare me for my discussion. I think it went well, and they told my mom that they thought I was more than ready for tomorrow, which is good to know.
Last night I went to see the movie Grindhouse with Ralph. It is so freaking weird, that it is great. It is one of the most bizaare movies I have seen in a long time, which is why I like it so much, especially the first movie, Planet Terror. Robert Roderigez and Quentin Tarrantino are fucking crazy. I love it. But now I have lost my movie going buddy again until he comes back to visit in July. It's just not as fun to go to the movies without my brother unit, because we have crazy discussions about the movie before and afterwards, what we liked about it and what we would have changed and if we were to make a movie what it would be about, etc, etc.... We're kind of nerdy like that.
Ralph also knows how to calm me down when I get too worked up over something stupid. Most people just try and tell me to calm down or try to be supportive, but Ralph, he just tells me to stop being dumb and that it's not a big deal and to get over it. He then tells an amazingly funny joke that makes me laugh for a long time and everything is ok after that. I'm going to miss that.
For example, yesterday as we were driving up to see Grindhouse in Lakeville, I was telling Ralph about this guy who I consider a friend of mine at school, and how I don't understand why this person can't figure out what to say to me and the fact that this person always seems to be extremely uncomfortable around me. I don't know if this makes any sense but it is the best way to describe what happens whenever there is a group of people hanging out and we both happen to be there. This guy acts like he wants to talk to me but he doesn't know what to talk to me about. Here's a helpful hint: just start talking and see where the conversation leads us. So I told all this to my brother Ralph and he just looked over at me and said, "I don't get what the big deal is. I don't pay attention to that kind of stuff, so really, does it even matter?" I thought about it for a second and replied, "no, actually it really doesn't." I was making a big deal out of something that doesn't even matter.
But now I have to try and focus on finishing up school and getting a job, which is hard to do right now, especially the giving a crap about school part. When I am done being over-dramatic about my brother leaving, I'll get back to work. Right now, I just feel like watching some crappy cable TV and taking a nap.
Monday, April 2, 2007
What does it all mean?!
I find myself these days pondering many things, among them the ever present question of what does it all mean. I mean let's get real people, I'm not exactly the typical seminary student. I have an issue with authority for one; I am still skeptical about organized religion in general; and I am a bit of a feminist. I've even been told by some friends that I am on the extreme side of being a feminist. So what the hell possessed me to enroll at Luther Seminary and spend thousands and thousands of dollars to get my MA in Church History? Beats the hell out of me. If anyone can provide an answer for me, I'm more than willing to listen. I do not regret my decision, I just find myself, since I'm near the end, asking myself this question quite often these days.
Some may say it is my calling, to which I would agree; but then why am I even more skeptical about organized religion? Is it my education or my ignorance? I don't know, maybe it's both. Either way, I just find it interesting to think about. I also find myself pulling away a bit from everything. I do this because I know I will be leaving to start a new life adventure soon, and I have never been very good at saying good-bye, especially regarding those I have come to care about and deeply respect as my friends/family.
Also, any advice on how to tell someone you like them? Anyone? Bueller? I figure what have I got to lose at this point. I either come off too bold and scare the person away or I'm too subtle and they don't have a clue. Figures. So any advice is greatly welcomed on this point.
Ok, back to the point, which is what does it all mean? What will I say about my years at Luther Seminary when I am old and gray? Is determining a purpose for the things we do completely left up to retrospection? I find that I learn the value of life experiences after they have occurred, both good and bad; but is there the possibility of knowing why we do things while we do them? I don't know if this makes any sense, but hopefully someone will understand what the hell I'm talking about and give me their own insight on the question.
Being the nerdy nerd that I am, I like to think about these kinds of questions whenever I make a transition in my life. I believe most people do this as well, which makes them nerdy nerds right along with me. So I believe that we should all stand up and proudly proclaim our nerdiness together and continue to ask the question "what does it all mean?" every once in a while, at least for the purpose of stimulating conversation.
Some may say it is my calling, to which I would agree; but then why am I even more skeptical about organized religion? Is it my education or my ignorance? I don't know, maybe it's both. Either way, I just find it interesting to think about. I also find myself pulling away a bit from everything. I do this because I know I will be leaving to start a new life adventure soon, and I have never been very good at saying good-bye, especially regarding those I have come to care about and deeply respect as my friends/family.
Also, any advice on how to tell someone you like them? Anyone? Bueller? I figure what have I got to lose at this point. I either come off too bold and scare the person away or I'm too subtle and they don't have a clue. Figures. So any advice is greatly welcomed on this point.
Ok, back to the point, which is what does it all mean? What will I say about my years at Luther Seminary when I am old and gray? Is determining a purpose for the things we do completely left up to retrospection? I find that I learn the value of life experiences after they have occurred, both good and bad; but is there the possibility of knowing why we do things while we do them? I don't know if this makes any sense, but hopefully someone will understand what the hell I'm talking about and give me their own insight on the question.
Being the nerdy nerd that I am, I like to think about these kinds of questions whenever I make a transition in my life. I believe most people do this as well, which makes them nerdy nerds right along with me. So I believe that we should all stand up and proudly proclaim our nerdiness together and continue to ask the question "what does it all mean?" every once in a while, at least for the purpose of stimulating conversation.
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