Sitting in my study, in my apartment, my hands freezing because the insulation on my windows sucks and cold air is coming in and my radiators for some reason are not working to full capacity, I have a thought. Where is everyone?
I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss the warm sun beating down on me as I sit on the lawn between the Campus Center and Gullixson Hall reading for class or just hanging out enjoying the great weather.
As I sit in my dark study, my hands freezing, I a bit of comfort knowing that I will see my friends soon, see my family soon, and someday soon the warm sun will beat down on me again as it has every spring, summer, and fall. The dead sadness of winter will end and all will become alive again. I am overly excited about this happening, and soon. The sooner the better folks. Why put till tomorrow what can happen today, right?
Spring is coming, Thank the Lord!!! and I will be one of the first people basking in the sun on the lawn between the OCC and Gullixson.
As for my freezing hands, I am going back into my room because it is warmer in there. So tata for now.

P.S. Things are going better with my thesis. I will be spending the next week or so in the Rare Books section of the library if anyone needs to find me. Later y'all.

There is not much to say...

I've been sitting in the library for about three hours now finding sources for my new bibliography for my thesis. You know, I'd be alot more stressed about the whole thing except that I don't really give a shit anymore. It's not like I'm being allowed to write on a topic I actually care about. If I was I might actually care. Minimal effort is being put into my thesis now, only enough to get by and get the hell out of here. I think I've had just about enough of Luther Seminary screwing me over in one way or another and it's time to hit the road.
As for everything else in life, I can't complain. Things are going pretty well. Classes are good. Family is good. Friends are good for the most part. Life in general is going well. Just taking things one day at a time. I'm really wishing I brought class reading with me today because I'm sick of working on this thesis craptacularness.
So there's really not much to say, except that life is going well.

Hanging out in Northfield, Part I

Today I am hanging out at my parent's house like I do every Sunday; doing my laundry for free, watching some Daytona 500 Nascar, and shutting myself up in my old room/the office trying to read Eusibius for class on Tuesday. I like coming down here on Sunday's for many reasons. Here are just a few:
1) I get a chance to talk to the parental units about their week
2) I get to do my laundry for free and get a free meal that I don't have to make myself
3) It is relaxing
4) It gives me time to recooperate and get ready to start a new week of craziness in Luther Seminary Land

These are the main reasons I like to hang out in Northfield on Sundays. Now I just have to motivate myself to read for class rather than read the Bible (the newest edition of Entertainment Weekly).

I'm feeling confident that soon I will be able to get my act together and not be so flighty. So much to do, so little time. I've decided to take a break from working on my thesis this weekend and regroup to start again tomorrow. So yesterday I spent the day at home, in my sauna like apartment reading for classes, then watched a movie and then went to sleep. Today, like wise I am working on motivating myself to read for class on Tuesday. Sometimes it is better to put something aside for a while and muse on it rather than force something, which turns out bad and you have to start all over again anyway. So I'll begin working on my thesis again tomorrow, "in the library" where I will be spending most of the day.

Enough of this random bullshit, I've got to go read. Later y'all

Too much, Too Soon

It has been one hell of a week my friends and it's not over yet. A huge part of me wants to go back to the beginning of this week and start all over again. I got something unnerving in the mail yesterday and I can't stop thinking about the next step to take care of it. I really don't want to go into too much detail, but it's not good. Have you even thought that you have finally put something behind you, moved on, no longer to wake up in the middle of the night pouring sweat or screaming because you think you're somewhere else than you are? And then it comes back to bite you in the ass one more freaking time. You think you're done with the devil and he comes back again and again and again. It's like you can't escape no matter how hard you try or how much you have grown from your last encounter. You still find yourself scared to death about what will happen next, what you'll have to go through to get rid of him. And you think back to the past and find yourself reliving all those other times, which you have finally gotten past and now are forced to face again. That is how I feel right now, today, this whole freaking week, but especially yesterday and today after I got my unnerving piece of mail. So now what? Now I have to continue on as I have been, working on school, focusing on friends and family, and dealing with the never ending bullshit that comes with evil in the world. So there you have it. If you want to know how I'm doing it's all here, right out in the open; no sugar coating, just straight up truth. But thankfully I know I have great people to surround myself with, great friends and great family, who will just give me a big old hug and tell me everything is going to be okay, whether or not I believe them. It's just nice to know I have people in my life who care, even if they don't say the words, I know they care.

And so it begins...

As I was sitting in Professor Haemig's Reformation class today, doing my TA thing, doing my TA thing, I realized something. Today is Wednesday. It's freaking Wednesday. What the hell happened to Monday and Tuesday?! Apparently, they are just a muddy fog infested blob that I must have been in a daze through.

Why is it so important that it is Wednesday, you might be asking yourself. It is important for the following reasons:
1) LOST is on tonight. WOOHOO!!!!! Only one of the best shows ever.
2) Tomorrow I have to turn into three different people hard-copies of my Thesis bibliography, my outline and my statement of what my Thesis is. Thankfully, I only had to revamp my bibliography a bit and I already have a new outline from my outburst on Monday I believe when I decided to scrap the whole thing and start over. Scary times for me right now.
3) Tomorrow is a good friends b-day celebration which is going to be really fun
4) It is my best friend Karen Wallen's birthday today and I had to call her (which I already have done) and wish her an awesome birthday and find out what, if any, festivities will be taking place in the near future.
5) Now I am two weeks behind in reading for classes, not just one. And I have to have something written for Confessions precept on Friday. Damn having busy work. I'd rather just sit there and listen to what the professors have to say. Oh well, you can't always get what you want. Damn, I love the Rolling Stones; they are geniuses.

So that is just a short synopsis of why it is important that I realized it was Wednesday today, while sitting in Haemig's reformation class listening to what was going on, but not really paying attention. You all know what I'm talking about. Anyway, this overly verbal self is hungry so I'm going to go eat and chill out reading the Book of Concord. Yes, that's right. The Book of Concord. No, I am not reading it for fun, I am reading it for class. What do you think I am? A NERD? Hey, wait a minute....That's right...I AM A NERD!!!! Check you later y'all. Peace Out homies.

Just hanging out.....

Today I feel like I'm just hanging out wherever I go. I finally slept last night without any obnoxious interruptions from my neighbors across the hall or next door. I didn't want to get up this morning though. So everything has been kind of a blur until now.

I went to class this morning and the lecture was so unorganized I had no idea what to type so I just sat there most of the time just listening and trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Then I went to chapel and it was the same thing all over again, except I was freezing. I finally had to put my bulky jacket back on after communion in order to warm up a bit.

I then walked up the hill to Frieder's house, which was a cold walk into the wind only to find out that discipleship had been canceled and no one bothered to send out an email or anything. I should have figured it was though because he and his family just got back to the states yesterday afternoon and need a day or two to rest and recooperate.

Now I am sitting in the library working on my thesis. For the next month and a half or so that will be a common phrase I use, "working on my thesis", or "I'm in the library working on my thesis", or "I'm going to the library to work on my thesis". Yes, that is my life right now until April 1st. After that, I don't think I'll know what to do with myself. I'll probably automatically gravitate to the library because I'll be so used to coming here in my free time to "work on my thesis". So actually, I am in the library right now, but I'm just hanging out because I'm tired and I don't want to do anything. When I am done writing, I'll force myself to read or something. So I better get to it. There's no time like the present I suppose. Au revoir for now y'all

I've scrapped it all and am starting over...

I've scrapped my original thesis topic and am starting over. Instead of writing on martyrs specifically in the English Reformation, I am writing on the translation of the Bible into English and the events that transpired in England because of it. So I will still be talking about Henry VIII and his children, I will still be talking about martyrs, but I will be doing it with a different lens than I had originally anticipated using. I discovered this new idea while driving back from my parent's house last night, listening to the radio and trying to stay awake.

I haven't slept well the last couple of nights.

So now I am sitting in the library, trying to be productive, but it's not going very well. That is why I am writing this blog instead of reading parts of a biography on William Tyndale, the man who translated the Bible into English in 1520 and was martyred by Henry VIII, with the help of his nemesis Sir, Thomas More; who ironically would be martyred not long after for opposing the Act of Supremacy which made Henry VIII the head of the English church instead of the Pope. Yes, I do want to read about this, and am going to as soon as I end this blog, but I can't concentrate.

I can't seem to get myself to care about doing anything. What's the point? It's not like my studying this is going to change anything that has happened the last couple of days. I am so sad for Pastor Mike, but I am so relieved for Jenelle because she is finally at peace, no longer in pain, and she knows that her family is going to be ok because of Pastor Mike taking a new call in Faribault and getting away from the horrible Pastor Craig who wreaks people to the point of despair. So I should not be sad, but should be thankful that Jenelle is at peace and that her family has that knowledge to hold on to, even in the hardest times to come.

And I don't want to talk about this with people either. I suppose I am writing about it because then I won't have to talk about it with anyone face to face. And so life goes on, even when you wish it would stop for a bit and wait for you to catch up. And here we all are, whether we like it or not.

I can't concentrate...I'm too sad

I can't concentrate on what I need to be doing.

A good friend of my family died last night around 11pm from brain cancer. Her name is Jenelle, and she is my pastor's wife, Pastor Mike's wife. All I can think about is how she is no longer in pain, that she is at peace with God in heaven, and how sad I am for Pastor Mike and his kids. I wish there was something I could do to make it all better for them but I can't.

So I will be going down to Northfield tonight and going to church with mom early tomorrow. I am going to give Pastor Mike a huge hug and tell him how sorry I am for his loss. I don't know what else to do.
When someone close to you dies, it really makes you wonder what life is all about. It makes you appreciate the people in your life even more than you thought you ever could. And so, I end this blog urging all of you to say a prayer for Pastor Mike, Jenelle, and their children. Thank you.

Classes have started and life is going well...

Classes have started and things are going well. I am TAing again for professor Haemig to make some cash this semester. I have turned in my two weeks notice to my idiot bosses in the office. My last day is Wednesday, Feb. 21. I believe I am going to celebrate by having a drink and watching LOST, which is finally back on the air. Last nights episode was really good. WOOHOO!!! I am diligently working on my thesis. I plan to have the first ten pages of my rough draft done by Monday. We'll see how that goes. I also have class readings to do, so maybe I'll have to cut it down to between 5 and 10. I think that is more reasonable. Maybe I'll get a writing bug up my butt this weekend.
I am so excited about being done with my stupid job at sheol. No one harrassing me to wash the fucking mugs, or having nothing to do and pimping myself out to others for something to do. No more. It's over. WOOHOO!!! Things are going well lately. It is freaking freezing outside mister bigglesworth, but apparently it is supposed to be getting warmer soon. I sure as hell hope so.
I'm supposed to work in the office today from 1-4, but I really don't want to. I'm going to go in anyway because I know it is only temporary and will be done with that place soon.
On another note, someone just drove right through the stop sign outside of my apartment, but of course, not without squeeling their wheels extremely loud first "attempting" to stop and then driving right through. I freaking love drivers. I think it is drive like a jerk month. I swear I've almost been hit ten times this week by idiot people who don't know how to use their blinkers, think they own the road, or people not paying attention. What the dude people, what the dude?!
One more thing, sometimes there is nothing better than getting up in the morning, listening to the radio, and writing a blog about random nonsense that has nothing to do with anything.

I love movies...

Yesterday I ventured out into the freezing cold with my friend Jen and saw the movie Babel at the new Roseville AMC Theater. First of all, whoever thought it was a good idea to have the ticket counters outside is a moron. Hello, we are in Minnesota. Let's get a clue.
Jen and I missed the earlier showing so we got tickets for the 9:45 one, leaving us with almost three hours to fill before the movie started. Amazingly, we somehow miraculously did it. We wasted almost three hours at the Rosedale Center; most of that time was spent in Borders looking at very interesting books and through the movie selection. I bought a movie, Mansfield Park, a Jane Austen masterpiece brought to film. I absolutely love this movie. I also took the opportunity to order a copy of the last Harry Potter book which is coming out July 22, 2007. So totally excited!!
When we were finally able to go view the movie Babel, it was worth the wait. It is a lot like the movie Crash, if you have seen that. If you haven't, you need to. I very much recommend seeing Babel as well. It is a movie about how people from all over the world are connected to each other through others. Communication is the key to this fabulous movie and emotion helps to lead it along. It is an amazing movie. It makes me want to be involved in film even more now. It is movies like these that bring us back to reality, the reality that everything we do will and does have an affect on others, whether we like to acknowledge that fact or not.
So overall, besides freezing our asses off getting into line to buy our tickets and then heading over to the mall, it was a worth going out into the freezing tundra to see yet another great movie.

bored bored bored

I'm sitting at the office front desk answering phones and pretending to "prep" files for scanning. I am so so so so bored. I really hope and pray that I hear back from the Ramsey County Historical Society soon, if for no other reason than feeling totally useless at my current place of employment. I am not helping anyone here. I am not serving a greater purpose. I am just answering phones in an office and wishing I was doing something more with my time.
The library is going to be my friend today. I'm going there for a little bit right after work to look up the sources I found online for my thesis. It's crunch time now since I already have things due on Monday. I would like to go out and do something with friends tonight but I haven't heard back from anyone or else they already have plans. Oh well, that happens sometimes. It's probably better for me to stay home and relax anyway, stay out of the cold. But hopefully things will work out and I'll be able to hang out with people tonight. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
I've been doing a lot of that lately, waiting and seeing. It's getting old and I'm getting impatient for results. I know things will work out but when...

HappyLite

I'm sitting in front of my HappyLite right now wishing it were warm outside. Winter makes me so depressed, especially when it is as cold as it is now. Of course, they (the weather "experts") are saying that it is going to get even colder and that it's going to last up to 10 days. Sometimes I really hate living in Minnesota. The weather here is ridiculous. And what's worse is that I can't help but think of all the people who have no roof over their heads or can't afford to heat their homes and are freezing. I pray that someday every person will have a roof over their head and a nice warm place to stay.

So I sit here in front of my HappyLite, which is supposed to help with the winter blues. It is like sitting outside on a sunny day in the spring or summer. I like it. It is funny looking and everyone who sees it wonders what the hell it is and I just say, "it is my happylite". I should probably be getting ready to go to work but I just don't give a shit. Those jerks have totally screwed me over. Well, at least now I'll have more time to work on my thesis, which by the way is going pretty good so far. I have found a lot of good sources for my bibliography and have a rough draft outline. I just need to type it all up. Well, I'm out of things to say for now.