More Musings about Stuff...

I have had occasion recently to do some musing about stuff.  For a while it was nothing in particular, but recently I have starting thinking about regret, suffering, life; all the things that lead me to the dark places in my mind.  It's pretty morbid stuff to think about but there are certain times during the year where my thoughts lead me in that direction and there is not much I can do about it. 

I can tell you this much though, there are just some hurts that never heal.  After three years, I still feel the microscopic gap in my heart and soul ache on September 16th.  Though the gap has shrunk in size, it will always be there. 

When you've stared into someone's eyes and see the devil staring back at you, it is something you never get over.  To see and exprience evil in such a way stays with you forever.  You slowly lose confidence in humanity and become bitter and cynical.  Luckily, God has a way of putting amazingly compassionate people in my life to easy the burden of having had such experiences.  My mom for one; there is no possible way I would have made it through everything I've been through without her to watch over me, and my brother for another; he has been my motivation.  For a long time it was just us.  Then God in his infinite wisdom granted me an answer to my only prayer, he gave me the most wonderful dad in the world and an older sister and aunts and uncles, cousins, an adorable nephew and niece.  And two weeks ago, he expanded my family to include wonderful in-laws.  He put in my life the most wonderful man, my now husband Jason Pollington, whom I just adore and am having a blast being married to him.

But family is not always defined by blood and marriage.  I have many many family members that most people would call close friends, but I like family instead.  When you've gone through hell and back again with someone, they no longer are friends, they are family.  These people help you stand on your own two feet when you can't muster up the energy to move and visa versa.  It is a lovely relationship that I treasure always. 

And so it goes, one day after the next, hoping that the bottom won't drop out from under you, but knowing that if it does, you have people in your life, Thanks be to God, that will help you through it if you allow them to.  That's the part I'm working on, letting people help me when I am suffering or hurt; letting go of the idea that I am being a burden on them and letting them help.  Knowing myself, it will be a life long process, something to work on always and placing my faith in God and my people.

My Brand New Laptop

Today I went to Best Buy to pick up my brand new laptop.  It is a Toshiba, like my last one.  My old laptop lasted me four and half wonderful years.  We went through a lot together.  I wrote my first Master's thesis on it.  Unfortunately, over the summer, or was it spring, I can't remember, my old laptop over heated and shut itself off while I was watching a movie on netflix instant.  After that things went downhill.  I will miss my old laptop, but I am looking forward to creating new memories with my new one.

So, good-bye old friend!  And hello to my brand new laptop! :-)

I'M BACK!!!!

It has been a long time since I blogged last.  In fact, so much has been going on in my life lately that I forgot I had a blog.  And then to remember that I actually have two blogs, just blew my mind a little bit.  I could summarize life since the middle of June, but I've decided instead to just start from scratch and work on blogging more. 

One thing that has happened recently I can not ignore.  I GOT MARRIED!  I got married to the most wonderful man in the world, Jason Pollington, on September 4, 2010.  My family has grown exponentially and I am completely in a blissful state.  Hey, I might even call myself an optimist (I better not get ahead of myself though.)  When I get the professional photos back, I'll post some on here for all to see.  It was literally one of the best days of my life.  It was so much fun and went by so fast.

That is the most important event that has happened in my life.  Most of what happened in the months preceding led up to that truly blessed moment. 

So what is going on in my life now?  Here's a brief stetch of the crazy that is happening:

- I am continuing to work on research for my thesis.  There has been yet another delay in my academic progress and I will not be turning in my thesis proposal until the end of September for the October faculty meeting.

- I am working 22.5 hours a week at the office with a new schedule allowing me to have Wednesdays off until the end of December.  So far the extra day off during the week has been extremely helpful for my studies and I think it will be even more helpful when I start the actual writing process.

- Married life so far has been fun.  It has been extremely busy too.  I am looking forward to having some time with my husband to relax, stay in and watch movies, just enjoy each other's company without any distractions.  I can't wait till January when we head out on our honeymoon.  A whole week of just us and sightseeing!  Alleluia!!!

In conclusion, life is beautiful!  I am busy, busy, busy and having a blast! 

It was great to see family and friends over our wedding weekend, though, like most people say, I wish I had more time to really talk to everyone.  I am just so blessed in my life with wonderful people to share it with.  I Love You All!!!

I know I have said this before, but I am going to make a better effort at this blogging thing.  I want to blog at least once a week.  So this is the start of my endeavor, again.  Sometime I get so caught up in life, that I forget how much fun it is to take a few minutes and write about what is going on. 

In the meantime, I am going to get back to work and share more soon!