Over the past few weeks I have been having a really hard time concentrating and writing my thesis. I was not organized and I couldn't get my thoughts in order to write anything of significance. I few weeks ago I was able to write quite a few pages in one sitting which got me energized. After that, though, I have not had a lot of time and when I do, I have a hard time writing more than a few pages at a time. This is not good.
This week is Thankgiving week. All the students at the seminary had the whole week off; I have Wednesday to Sunday off. Wednesday I went to the library and did not get much done. It was extremely frustrating because the roads were somewhat crappy in the evening and we ended up fighting traffic for 1.5 hours. It could definitely have been worse though.
Yesterday evening and all day today I have been on a roll, which got me thinking about time and creativity and ideas. When I am constantly going and get one day to really focus on writing I have a hard time focusing and instead find that can't concentrate and am not creative with my ideas. With little work done on Wednesday, no time writing on Thursday and a little bit of writing on Friday, I find that I am refreshed and creative today. In fact, I am going to finish chapter two of my thesis today, and it is not going to be the worst rough draft ever written.
Over the last few days off, I have been able to relax and do a lot of things that typically cause distractions for me on a normal week. Relaxation time, turned into reading for fun time (yes, I started read for a second time Bram Stoker's Dracula), and watching movies/the newest netflix we got in the mail. I have spent some quality time with my family because we stayed over night on Wednesday and stayed until around 9pm Thursday night. I spent time with my friend Karen, and we went to see HP7 on Friday afternoon. I have spent quality time with my husband and will probably see if I can head down to my friend Michelle's tonight, depending on when I finish writing chapter 2. See I only have three or so pages left and I will be finished with chapter 2 of my thesis at least until I get my advisors revision comments back (whenever that may be. I still haven't received anything for chapter 1.)
Anyway, just some food for thought. For now, I am going to get back to writing so then I can hopefully head to Michelle's for a bit tonight. :-)
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Less Frustrated about Life...
Dear Friends,
There is a very loud individual grunting in the stacks in the Luther Seminary library. He just walked up the stairs and it sounds like a herd of elephants with a few disgruntled grunts every few seconds. It was hilarious.
Anyway, the last time I blogged I was feeling very down about life. I felt like I was failing at everything; my marriage, my family and friends, my thesis and at work. After writing that blog I did a lot of thinking and came up with a few conclusions in no particular order.
Since I am spending this afternoon working on my thesis, I'll start with that. I am not failing on my thesis. Though it is taking me much longer to write than I want it to, it doesn't mean I'm failing working on it. By the end of November I'll definitely have two chapter written and maybe even 3, depending on whether or not I am still having trouble finding information for chapter 4. This is very awesome and I should not get down about the length of time it is taking me.
My marriage is going great! I love spending time with Jason and have started to become comfortable not going home right away after work so I can go to the library for a little bit and work on my thesis. Jason and I have also started working out in God's Gym a few nights a week because I want to get in shape and lose a little weight and he comes with because he wants to do the same. The fact that he is not sick of me yet just goes to show that he's the real deal for me.
My family and friends, I do my best to keep in contact with them. I am still horrible about calling people, not that I don't want to talk to my family and friends, the opposite actually, I'm just not good at talking on the phone. It will be a life long process, my learning to be comfortable with talking to people on the phone. As for those of my family and friends in the area, I am trying to make a greater effort to hang out with them more. This is why I get down about my thesis taking me so long to write. When I am done writing it, I will have vast quantities of time to go to movies in the evenings or go hang out at someone's house and watch a favorite TV show. I miss that a lot.
As for work, well it is work and as much as it makes my stomach roll whenever I walk out off the elevator when I first get there everyday, I need the job to pay the major bills and finish paying off my credit card debt. I opted not to take out student loans because I only have to pay a grand total of $450 this year in fees. Of course, the school screwed up and charged me my continuation fee twice, which I still have to deal with, but taking out more student loans just did not make sense at the time. It still doesn't make sense, although I ache in ever fiber of my being to be a true student and spend my days writing my thesis and my nights either with my husband or friends or my husband with friends. Either way, my job gets in the way of me being what I love to be, a scholar, an academic, a student. I love all these things but can not be any of them fully because I don't have the amount of time I need to be these things.
I just keep telling myself that my job will end at the end of May, and I will be done with my thesis at the end of April. Once those two things happen, I am free. Just have to get to the end of May. I can do that. It is only 6.5 months, and let me tell you, that time is going to fly by so fast. ;-)
There is a very loud individual grunting in the stacks in the Luther Seminary library. He just walked up the stairs and it sounds like a herd of elephants with a few disgruntled grunts every few seconds. It was hilarious.
Anyway, the last time I blogged I was feeling very down about life. I felt like I was failing at everything; my marriage, my family and friends, my thesis and at work. After writing that blog I did a lot of thinking and came up with a few conclusions in no particular order.
Since I am spending this afternoon working on my thesis, I'll start with that. I am not failing on my thesis. Though it is taking me much longer to write than I want it to, it doesn't mean I'm failing working on it. By the end of November I'll definitely have two chapter written and maybe even 3, depending on whether or not I am still having trouble finding information for chapter 4. This is very awesome and I should not get down about the length of time it is taking me.
My marriage is going great! I love spending time with Jason and have started to become comfortable not going home right away after work so I can go to the library for a little bit and work on my thesis. Jason and I have also started working out in God's Gym a few nights a week because I want to get in shape and lose a little weight and he comes with because he wants to do the same. The fact that he is not sick of me yet just goes to show that he's the real deal for me.
My family and friends, I do my best to keep in contact with them. I am still horrible about calling people, not that I don't want to talk to my family and friends, the opposite actually, I'm just not good at talking on the phone. It will be a life long process, my learning to be comfortable with talking to people on the phone. As for those of my family and friends in the area, I am trying to make a greater effort to hang out with them more. This is why I get down about my thesis taking me so long to write. When I am done writing it, I will have vast quantities of time to go to movies in the evenings or go hang out at someone's house and watch a favorite TV show. I miss that a lot.
As for work, well it is work and as much as it makes my stomach roll whenever I walk out off the elevator when I first get there everyday, I need the job to pay the major bills and finish paying off my credit card debt. I opted not to take out student loans because I only have to pay a grand total of $450 this year in fees. Of course, the school screwed up and charged me my continuation fee twice, which I still have to deal with, but taking out more student loans just did not make sense at the time. It still doesn't make sense, although I ache in ever fiber of my being to be a true student and spend my days writing my thesis and my nights either with my husband or friends or my husband with friends. Either way, my job gets in the way of me being what I love to be, a scholar, an academic, a student. I love all these things but can not be any of them fully because I don't have the amount of time I need to be these things.
I just keep telling myself that my job will end at the end of May, and I will be done with my thesis at the end of April. Once those two things happen, I am free. Just have to get to the end of May. I can do that. It is only 6.5 months, and let me tell you, that time is going to fly by so fast. ;-)
Monday, November 1, 2010
When is it time?
When is it time to say enough is enough? Sometimes I feel so stretched that I'm about to break, like a rubber band being stretched so far that you can begin to see it fraying. When is it time to just call it quits and throw in the towel? I have a hard time giving up on anything I do or anyone I care about. So is there ever a time to say enough is enough, or do we keep on doing what we are doing and hope for the best? Sometimes I wish I could just throw my hands up and say I don't care, but I've never been able to do that. Most of the time I take things far too personally, when the reality is that there's not much I can do about someone else, I can only do the best I can to be a good family member, friend, colleague and hope I don't piss too many people off in the process. Anyway, I am mostly wondering how others cope with this feeling of frustration. As long as it doesn't cost money (that's a whole other frustration all together) I'm willing to listen to suggestions.
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