Less Frustrated about Life...

Dear Friends,

There is a very loud individual grunting in the stacks in the Luther Seminary library.  He just walked up the stairs and it sounds like a herd of elephants with a few disgruntled grunts every few seconds.  It was hilarious. 

Anyway, the last time I blogged I was feeling very down about life.  I felt like I was failing at everything; my marriage, my family and friends, my thesis and at work.  After writing that blog I did a lot of thinking and came up with a few conclusions in no particular order.

Since I am spending this afternoon working on my thesis, I'll start with that.  I am not failing on my thesis.  Though it is taking me much longer to write than I want it to, it doesn't mean I'm failing working on it.  By the end of November I'll definitely have two chapter written and maybe even 3, depending on whether or not I am still having trouble finding information for chapter 4.  This is very awesome and I should not get down about the length of time it is taking me.

My marriage is going great!  I love spending time with Jason and have started to become comfortable not going home right away after work so I can go to the library for a little bit and work on my thesis.  Jason and I have also started working out in God's Gym a few nights a week because I want to get in shape and lose a little weight and he comes with because he wants to do the same.  The fact that he is not sick of me yet just goes to show that he's the real deal for me.

My family and friends, I do my best to keep in contact with them.  I am still horrible about calling people, not that I don't want to talk to my family and friends, the opposite actually, I'm just not good at talking on the phone.  It will be a life long process, my learning to be comfortable with talking to people on the phone.  As for those of my family and friends in the area, I am trying to make a greater effort to hang out with them more.  This is why I get down about my thesis taking me so long to write.  When I am done writing it, I will have vast quantities of time to go to movies in the evenings or go hang out at someone's house and watch a favorite TV show.  I miss that a lot.

As for work, well it is work and as much as it makes my stomach roll whenever I walk out off the elevator when I first get there everyday, I need the job to pay the major bills and finish paying off my credit card debt.  I opted not to take out student loans because I only have to pay a grand total of $450 this year in fees.  Of course, the school screwed up and charged me my continuation fee twice, which I still have to deal with, but taking out more student loans just did not make sense at the time.  It still doesn't make sense, although I ache in ever fiber of my being to be a true student and spend my days writing my thesis and my nights either with my husband or friends or my husband with friends.  Either way, my job gets in the way of me being what I love to be, a scholar, an academic, a student.  I love all these things but can not be any of them fully because I don't have the amount of time I need to be these things.

I just keep telling myself that my job will end at the end of May, and I will be done with my thesis at the end of April.  Once those two things happen, I am free.  Just have to get to the end of May.  I can do that.  It is only 6.5 months, and let me tell you, that time is going to fly by so fast. ;-)