Faith Statements and other news...

As part of my re-admittance to Luther Seminary I have to revise my autobiography/faith statement. It may sound like an easy task but in reality it's not so easy. I have changed so much over the last two years. Sometimes I felt my faith falter and constantly wondered what the hell I was even doing at Luther Seminary. Other times I felt my faith grow stronger and stronger. This usually happened when I heard an awesome sermon in chapel, but usually more often than not I would feel this way while sitting talking to friends about anything and everything in the cafe or out on a late night Perkins run. Some of the professors I had for classes certainly contributed to both the faltering and strengthening of my faith as well. Professors Steve Paulson, Skip Sundberg, and Rollie Martinson definitely gave me opportunities to ask questions. Professor Farag did as well but in a different way than the others. She and Professor Haemig definitely forced me to ask myself what the hell I was doing over and over and over again. But I think in the end it was the people I was blessed meet and to be able to call my friends that led the way. Through them I was shown through word and action, law and gospel, what it meant to be faithful, and most of all love of one's neighbor.

This is what I want to write about in my updated autobiography and faith statement. Through the people around me I learned the strength and weakness of my own faith, my own understanding of God's sacrifice given to us in the form of his only son, Jesus Christ, and spread to all through the power of the Holy Spirit. It is through friends and family, who stuck by me in "the best of times and the worst of times" that I have learned a more complete concept of Jesus' commandments, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, and all your soul; and love your neighbor as yourself."

This autobiography/faith statement is the last piece of information I need to turn in in order to be readmitted in January. Other than that, I just need to meet with Rollie who is the head of the program I am participating in, and the financial aid guy and a few other people to get some things in the works before I start up again. My first official class back will be my trip to the Holy Land. How freaking cool is that!!! Oh, and just as a side note, I have decided after much musing that I will not be doing the deaconess route because I don't do so well when it comes to authority telling me what to do and what not to do.

In other news, I started my job at The Limited on Sunday, yesterday. It went well and I got to meet all my coworkers which was fun. I figure this job will be good for now and I'm going to keep looking as well. For now, I just need something, anything to pay the bills. I figure this will be a good experience too and force me to come out of my shell and learn to be more comfortable talking to people I hardly know, which will help me with my future vocational goals.

Alrighty then, now that I have written a short novel I am going to finish checking my email and go to sleep. Sleep is good and well yeah. TaTa for now. Love you all!!! Au revoir mes amies.

Call me sister Megan???

Today I met with an old pastor of mine. I have been feeling lost about my future and thought I should seek some guidance. Pastor Mike was very helpful.

Having said that; I am the type of person who follows their gut when it comes to deciding matters that are extremely important and my future, well, it is important. So I came upon a decision, inspired by my old pastor and I believe the holy spirit as well.

I will be returning to Luther Seminary. This time for an MA in Pastoral Care/Faith and Health. It has been made very apparent to me in recent weeks that although I still aspire to become a professor of church history, I feel the need to do something more.

What is that something more you may wonder? It is to provide advise and counseling to young adults and teenagers getting ready to go out and face the world after high school. I have always been interested in counseling and psychology and to be able to use it in a faith setting is just fabulous.

I am also starting the process of becoming a deaconness. I don't know if I spelled that right or not. After doing some research on deaconness roles in the church and the wider community, I believe it will be a good fit for me and give me the ability to do my vocation in an optimal way.

I should/will be starting back at Luther in January, my first class back being my Cross Cultural trip to the Holy Land. I feel it in my gut that this is what I am supposed to do. This is part of the vocation that I have been given by the big HS (holy spirit) and his fellow homies in the big "T" (trinity), the big G (God) and the big JC (Jesus Christ). This is the first time in months that I feel calm and that I am moving in the right path. This is not the path I expected to take at all but it is the one I am being pushed towards and for the first time I am not fighting back because I know in my very being it is what I need to do.

I will keep you all posted with new updates in my vocational adventures. Thank you all for your continued support through these last few months. I know I have not been easy to be around sometimes, but you all stuck by me and there are no words I can say to express my thanks. Love you all and God Bless!!!

The dreaded GRE...

Today I took the GRE because it is required to get into PhD programs. It is required to get into most MA programs too, but not at Luther Seminary :), which is one of several reasons I chose to go there.
I hate standardized tests. I never do good on them for reasons I can't explain. It's not like I don't prepare to the best of my ability. I just always end up sucking at them. Now I have a headache the size of Texas. I'm just glad that this stupid test isn't going to be the ultimate deciding factor (well hopefully it won't be) in getting into PhD programs. I know I probably won't be able to get into someplace like Harvard or Princeton, but those aren't my top choices anyway.
The lesson for today is that standardized tests suck and I suck at them. And even though this is true, I am not an idiot, I'm just not good at taking dumb required standardized tests.

These Days...

These days my mood changes so much. Sometimes I am relaxed and content like right now and other times I can get pissed off at the slightest thing, like the other day with the mail. It is frustrating to be this way. I know why it is happening and am taking steps to relieve myself of this situation.

It is happening because of the hurricane of change that has been going on in my life. I graduated from Seminary, no longer a student, don't seem to have any prospects for employment, have to continually harass the temp agency I am employed with about work and get no results, have no idea how I am going to pay my bills, and last but not least, will probably have to ask my parents for help financially which really takes an emotional toll. I don't have a problem asking my parents for anything else, only money.

Which brings me to another thought, why? Why am I so afraid of asking my parents for help when I need it? Is it because I feel like a total and complete failure that I haven't been able to find a job? Is it because I am 25 and feel like I should be able to take care of myself without getting help from my parents? I think it is all these things and more. Why when it comes to money are people so afraid to ask for help? Why is it even a big deal?

I think I am afraid to ask because I do feel like a failure. I have failed at being an adult in the "real world". The only place I feel like am not a failure is when I am in a class room either teaching other people what I know or learning what other people know. I love sitting in the library doing research, listening to my "Best of the Who" CD cranked up and having all my books and stuff scattered all around me. That is when I feel most alive, even though it is stressful and strenuous at times. I want to teach people about the history of the church. It is the only thing that is keeping me going, knowing that within the next year I will be back in school working towards my PhD (don't know where yet, but I'm looking at three places and am taking the GRE again this Thursday so wish me luck).

As for the money issue, well I don't know what to say. I guess it is something else I need to work on. Being comfortable asking for help when I need it, whether it is financially, emotionally, or in any other way. I just don't want to let anybody down and I think if I ask for help from my parents I'll be letting them down in some way. I think maybe I think too much.

Today I decided to stay down at my parent's house because in the past I have always been able to figure my shit out and start to see the bigger picture and pull myself out of the gloom that comes with change, and not just any change but those big transition times after something big ends and waiting for something else big to begin. So far it is working.

In the end, there is only so much I can do before I have to give it all up to the big "G" and his son the big "JC". I can feel the Holy Spirit doing what it does best. I know that in the end, of yet another transition period in life, it is the big "T" (for trinity) and faith that will get me though. The big "T" have been there in the good, have been there in the bad, and they will be there for me and all forever.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I really fucking hate people. For example, I recently received in the mail a letter from my old apartment's managing office saying that I didn't turn in my keys, which apparently is going to cost me $80. I turned in my keys the day I moved everything out, which was on June 30 so now I have to deal with the asshole property manager and jump through a bunch of freaking hoops because the super either fucking lost them or there was a miscommunication, which seems to be happening to me alot lately.
Then I also received a piece of mail charging me for a medical bill that I already fucking paid. What the hell is wrong with these people?!!! Why is this happening?!!! I am so sick of having to "straighten" things out with companies and what-have-you because fucking idiot people can't figure out how to do their god damn job. And what pisses me off even more is that it is such a simple job. Turn the keys over to the property manager; put the payment into the computer database; seriously people it's not that hard.

Sorry I just needed to vent. I don't even know if this makes any sense at all, but sometimes it just gets so tiring having to deal with idiot people. Yes it is probably a miscommunication, but I don't fucking care. I'm tired of dealing with people who can't figure out how to do their job. Is it laziness? Is it just pure forgetfulness? Is it that the person is just an asshole and doesn't know what the hell they are doing? These are all questions I ponder when I have reached the brink of my patience and am going overboard. There comes a point when one has to stop being patient and start being bitchy to get things done. I am at that point. Hence the very angry and sarcastic post. So starting tomorrow, things are going to change; things are going to start getting done not just on my end but the other end of things too. I am tired of waiting. I am tired of being pushed around by assholes. Bring it on m...er f...ers, Bring it on!!!

And Now Something New...

Today I received an email from IKEA saying that they are interested in talking to me about a position I applied for. This is good news. Not exactly a job that shows that I have a Master's degree, but there is the possibility of a job, which translates to making some money, which translates to being able to pay my bills and the ability to start saving money again.

Yesterday, I decided to walk around Southdale Center and I happened upon a few places that were hiring. The first one I walked into, The Limited, the salesperson was very helpful in answering my questions and gave me the number for the hiring manager and an application. I am going back tomorrow when the manager is there to set up an interview.

So it looks like I may become employed very soon, which is exciting for me. Sadly, neither job gives credit to the fact that I have a master's degree but I have worked retail before and know the gist of how things work. I don't want to jump the gun though and say I am definitely going to get either job, I just thought I'd inform you all of the latest news.

Also yesterday, I spontaneously decided to go see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It was really great and that's all I'm going to say for now because I know there are people who have not seen it yet, especially since it only came out yesterday. And so that is all for now, new news on my job search and Harry Potter, man I lead such an exciting life.

Great Sermons and Motivation...

Today I got up early and drove over to Luther Sem. to go to chapel which was led by none other than my friend Jen Kuntz. I was there a little late because the idiot Minnesota department of transportation has decided to close down all but one lane of 394 and traffic was backed up. But I made it in time for most of the days reading and the rest of the service. The sermon was great and it got me thinking about a lot of things. But most importantly, it got me motivated again to continue my job of finding a job.

It's weird how sometimes a few words of law and gospel can get under a person's skin. I feel slightly more energized about my day ahead now. Thanks Jen!!! And thanks to everyone who has stuck by me while I've been in my never-ending funk the last few weeks. It is hard to be positive all the time when you keep getting rejected for employment by either getting the obligatory letter saying no or just not hearing back at all.

But this too shall pass. Not the motivation of the word but the sorrow of rejection.

More Random Stuff

This is my first blog from my new apartment in St. Louis Park. I just got internet 15 minutes ago. The guy was very annoying but it all worked out. The move went well. I had my parental units and three great friends come help me move last Saturday, which was awesome. Now all I have to do is get a job. I am waiting to hear back from like a billion places I've applied to and continue everyday to apply to more places. Someday someone will want to hire me for something.

For now though I am hanging out. My brother is in Minnesota until Sunday when he has to head back to Orlando for school. I didn't see him yesterday and won't be seeing him today because he's hanging out with friends. We went to see Transformers on Monday, the first showing, which was freaking awesome. I'm hoping I'll get to hang out with him either tomorrow or Saturday since I won't see him again until November. I hate that he is so far away, but it is comforting to know that he is enjoying what he is doing and that we raised him to be responsible, which he seems to be doing for the most part.

As for everything else, well there's not much more to say. Life is pretty dull right now. To quote Fanny from the movie "Mansfield Park", "Life is nothing but a quick succession of busy nothings."