In my last post, I vented about not having a job and being financially dependent on Jason. Since then, I have done some research on student loan reconsolidation, continued my search for part-time jobs in the area, and have been constantly second guessing myself about quitting Mary Kay.
I have realized that there is not much in my life that I have control over right now, and that is really the root of my anxiety. The only thing I have any control over is my health, so I have become a little overly zealous about exercising everyday and being very conscious about what I eat. My health and being a mom have become my full-time cares these days.
I continue to do my daily walking, crunches and stretching. My weight lifting currently consists of carrying around my very solid 17+ lb son on and off all day. Seriously, it is a wonder I have any fat on my arms at all with all of the lifting I do every day. It is a bit frustrating that my goal of being in the mid-130s by this summer is alluding me. I seem to be stuck at the high 140s. This is much better than what I had been before I got pregnant with Preston, but to avoid getting diabetes in my 40s I need to get myself down at least 10 more pounds. I know it is not a race, but to make some progress, would help my state of mind a bit, since I have no idea what is going on with the rest of my life right now.
There are a few wonderful constants in my life though. My husband and my son being amazing are two of these constants. My wonderful family and friends, who are my cheerleaders are a most wonderful constant. Also, knowing that this too shall pass and I won't always feel stuck in the muck of uncertainty. But most of all, my faith. My faith keeps me grounded when nothing else seems to do the trick. It is just remembering these things and not getting caught up in the anxiety of uncertainty that I need to continue to work on. Baby steps my friends. Baby steps.
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