Baby Steps....

Before we moved to Montana in June of 2011, I worked part-time at a law office in downtown Minneapolis and made enough money to pay rent and various other bills with some fun money left over (not very much, maybe enough to go see a movie or two during cheap hours every week.)  When we moved here, I was in the first trimester of my first pregnancy and had planned to find a part-time job until the baby was born and then stay home with the little one for a while before going back to work.  None of that happened.

I couldn't find a job, I had a miscarriage and lost our child and became completely depressed and unmotivated.  After about a month and a half of this, I started to work out on the inexpensive treadmill we purchased from some friends for $50, 5-6 days a week.  I got it in my head that I would start applying for jobs again and began to do so with no luck, but I kept trying.  Then I found out on Thanksgiving day November 2011 that I was pregnant again.  So that made me rethink what to do about getting a job.  I was selling Mary Kay extremely part-time at the time. 

I decided to majorly scale down my job hunt and try to build up my Mary Kay business so I could work from home when our little one was born in August and for the first year of his/her life.  I made the decision to stay at home with our little one the whole first year.  Of course, now we have our little Preston with us and he is such a joy, pain in the butt, our little miracle.  But I continue to struggle with not having a job and what to do about it. 

I am having a hard time being financially dependent on Jason, but any job I get would end up paying for daycare, so in the end it makes more financial sense for me to stay home with Preston for now.  I have been finding myself wondering if it would be a good idea to get back into selling Mary Kay.  It caused quite a bit of stress for me, but every once in a while, I was able to contribute some money to our household. 

Ugh...I am really trying hard to stay positive and let it go and be okay with where I am right now.  I am willing to hear any advice and would appreciate your prayers as I work through this issue.  After being able to fend for myself pretty well and then for Jason and me our first few months of marriage, it is hard for me to sit on the sidelines now.  It has been hard for me since we moved and I couldn't find a job.  I continue to pray for patience and for alleviation from my crazy anxiety regarding financial matters in our home.  We have what we need right now and I truly believe that God provides for each of us in different ways.  I just need to gain enough peace of mind to see that.