I recently started reading a Book of Blessings about different stages and areas of life; a new devotion if you will. It is called, To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings, by John O'Donohue. He has written quite a few books of poetry based on old Irish ways of thinking and literature and uses them to express ideas about life's journey and ways that blessings play a significant role in our daily lives.
I have recently finished a devotion series using Facebook Messenger to do it as a group with twenty or so ladies. This devotion was called, 100 Days to Brave, by Annie F. Downs. After finishing this group devotion over 100 days, I was decided to keep doing a devotion in the mornings to start my day off on a good note. The rest of the day may suck, but at least I gave myself some time in the morning to get in a decent head space before the chaos of being a stay-at-home mom of two highly sensitive, speech delayed boys.
Today as I started my new devotional series by John O'Donohue, we read about New Beginnings. New Beginnings are a part of life; they can be joyous and scary at the same time. And they can be a blessing, depending on the circumstances surrounding said new beginning.
The question he posed at the end of his reflection to this New Beginnings section was this:
What is the new horizon in you that wants to be seen?
This is an significant question for me because it has been something I have asking myself for years. What IS the new horizon in me that wants to be seen? Looking back now, thinking about this question, I can see how with each new beginning, each new horizon in my life, there was equal parts excitement and fear of the new; joy and terror in facing the unknown.
I don't know what the new horizon in me that wants to be seen is yet. I have just accepted after close to 8 and 1/2 years my role of being a wife and mom; not being exactly where I thought I wanted to be at age 37, not fulfilling my calling as a historian, not helping my family out as much financially as I want to be. I have several fancy Masters degrees that we are paying loans on and I am doing nothing with them right now. I spend my days working on potty training our 3 - almost - 4 year old, trying to be a supportive spouse and raising two highly sensitive children, which is no small feat. I struggle to live in the chaos of the moment, while knowing that a new horizon is bursting to be sent forth from me.
It is hard for me to reflect on new beginnings when for so long I have put everyone else's needs before my own. I am afraid to shake things up to start my own personal new beginning. And yet, I am also excited to start a new personal beginning, that can lead me into a place of purpose within my vocational call and to see how it will benefit not just me but everyone around me.
Until next time!
-Megan.
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