What the Dude People, What the Dude??!!!

Being that I didn't want to start my new post with swear words I substituted the f-bomb with the word Dude. Here's a funny story: Today I was sitting at my usual desk in the law library I've been temping at updating periodicals when all the sudden I stopped and said to myself out loud (quietly) what the hell am I doing? What the hell am I doing with my life? Why am I going back to school for Pastoral Care when all I really what to do is research and write historical biographies and far-out novels? Why can't I sit down and write out vignettes about my own life experiences for a book that my mom and I are working on together? Why? What the hell is going on?

This bout of questioning came out of the blue because before these thoughts popped into my head, my mind was blank, doing my job and enjoying the monotonous work of updating periodicals. But it did get me thinking about what's to come.

And therefore I wrote an email to the head of the Pastoral Care program at Luther Seminary, Professor Rollie Martinson, asking him what classes I will need to take since I already have a degree from Luther and what I will need to get into PhD programs in the future. I am excited about this decision to pursue this endeavor and know it is my purpose.

Though I am moving away from history for a while, academically speaking, I still intend to pursue historical research on my own as well as figure out a way to contribute to the work my mom and I are doing together. Maybe I'm just not ready to write about my experiences, maybe I need to just talk about them while someone else types them out or writes them down. I often find I don't know where to begin and everything I write is so childish and dull compared to the actual memories. Anyway, that's my burden to bare I suppose. I'm sure I'll figure something out.

I have some ideas already of historical research I would like to start on. I would like to research about the church as well as politics in England and Ireland during the reign of Mary I and Elizabeth I. I would also like to learn more about the church in Colonial America. I have always been fascinated by Machiavelli so I'll probably do some more research on his works and their affect on Florentine politics and religion. And there are so many other things I would like to study, research and write about so I won't take the time to mention them now. What I have here is just a short list to start with and I'll work my way out from this.

I guess I was just taken aback by the random rush of doubt that hit me today like a baseball bat to the head. I know this kind of thing happens to most people. I just thought I'd let others know that they are not alone, especially when they find themselves thinking, actually more like scream, "What the Dude People, What the Dude??!!!