More Musings about Stuff...

I have had occasion recently to do some musing about stuff.  For a while it was nothing in particular, but recently I have starting thinking about regret, suffering, life; all the things that lead me to the dark places in my mind.  It's pretty morbid stuff to think about but there are certain times during the year where my thoughts lead me in that direction and there is not much I can do about it. 

I can tell you this much though, there are just some hurts that never heal.  After three years, I still feel the microscopic gap in my heart and soul ache on September 16th.  Though the gap has shrunk in size, it will always be there. 

When you've stared into someone's eyes and see the devil staring back at you, it is something you never get over.  To see and exprience evil in such a way stays with you forever.  You slowly lose confidence in humanity and become bitter and cynical.  Luckily, God has a way of putting amazingly compassionate people in my life to easy the burden of having had such experiences.  My mom for one; there is no possible way I would have made it through everything I've been through without her to watch over me, and my brother for another; he has been my motivation.  For a long time it was just us.  Then God in his infinite wisdom granted me an answer to my only prayer, he gave me the most wonderful dad in the world and an older sister and aunts and uncles, cousins, an adorable nephew and niece.  And two weeks ago, he expanded my family to include wonderful in-laws.  He put in my life the most wonderful man, my now husband Jason Pollington, whom I just adore and am having a blast being married to him.

But family is not always defined by blood and marriage.  I have many many family members that most people would call close friends, but I like family instead.  When you've gone through hell and back again with someone, they no longer are friends, they are family.  These people help you stand on your own two feet when you can't muster up the energy to move and visa versa.  It is a lovely relationship that I treasure always. 

And so it goes, one day after the next, hoping that the bottom won't drop out from under you, but knowing that if it does, you have people in your life, Thanks be to God, that will help you through it if you allow them to.  That's the part I'm working on, letting people help me when I am suffering or hurt; letting go of the idea that I am being a burden on them and letting them help.  Knowing myself, it will be a life long process, something to work on always and placing my faith in God and my people.

My Brand New Laptop

Today I went to Best Buy to pick up my brand new laptop.  It is a Toshiba, like my last one.  My old laptop lasted me four and half wonderful years.  We went through a lot together.  I wrote my first Master's thesis on it.  Unfortunately, over the summer, or was it spring, I can't remember, my old laptop over heated and shut itself off while I was watching a movie on netflix instant.  After that things went downhill.  I will miss my old laptop, but I am looking forward to creating new memories with my new one.

So, good-bye old friend!  And hello to my brand new laptop! :-)

I'M BACK!!!!

It has been a long time since I blogged last.  In fact, so much has been going on in my life lately that I forgot I had a blog.  And then to remember that I actually have two blogs, just blew my mind a little bit.  I could summarize life since the middle of June, but I've decided instead to just start from scratch and work on blogging more. 

One thing that has happened recently I can not ignore.  I GOT MARRIED!  I got married to the most wonderful man in the world, Jason Pollington, on September 4, 2010.  My family has grown exponentially and I am completely in a blissful state.  Hey, I might even call myself an optimist (I better not get ahead of myself though.)  When I get the professional photos back, I'll post some on here for all to see.  It was literally one of the best days of my life.  It was so much fun and went by so fast.

That is the most important event that has happened in my life.  Most of what happened in the months preceding led up to that truly blessed moment. 

So what is going on in my life now?  Here's a brief stetch of the crazy that is happening:

- I am continuing to work on research for my thesis.  There has been yet another delay in my academic progress and I will not be turning in my thesis proposal until the end of September for the October faculty meeting.

- I am working 22.5 hours a week at the office with a new schedule allowing me to have Wednesdays off until the end of December.  So far the extra day off during the week has been extremely helpful for my studies and I think it will be even more helpful when I start the actual writing process.

- Married life so far has been fun.  It has been extremely busy too.  I am looking forward to having some time with my husband to relax, stay in and watch movies, just enjoy each other's company without any distractions.  I can't wait till January when we head out on our honeymoon.  A whole week of just us and sightseeing!  Alleluia!!!

In conclusion, life is beautiful!  I am busy, busy, busy and having a blast! 

It was great to see family and friends over our wedding weekend, though, like most people say, I wish I had more time to really talk to everyone.  I am just so blessed in my life with wonderful people to share it with.  I Love You All!!!

I know I have said this before, but I am going to make a better effort at this blogging thing.  I want to blog at least once a week.  So this is the start of my endeavor, again.  Sometime I get so caught up in life, that I forget how much fun it is to take a few minutes and write about what is going on. 

In the meantime, I am going to get back to work and share more soon!

Musing about Time...

Lately I have been spending a good amount of time musing about time.  It is an interesting concept to me.  Without reading all the philosophical mumbo-gumbo about the topic, I intend find myself often wondering why time seems to go so fast or so slow.  I remember when the summer seemed to last forever.  Now it is already almost July and it feels like not too long ago there was still snow on the ground. 

I suppose it has something to do with the fact that when we are younger we are actually able to relax and actually have bouts of boredom.  Now that I am 28 I have responsibilities, like paying bills so I have to work.  I am also a student so I have school work to do as well.  These two things take up loads of time; add on planning a wedding and training for a 5K race and it makes for a constantly busy me.  And of course, I want to spend time with friends in the area as well and occasionally see my parental units and brother.  This leaves very little "time" for myself. 

I do find that time though but I always have to sacrifice something else to have it.  So what if my apartment is disgusting, I'm going catch up with friends on facebook, or blog, or watch a movie or read for fun instead of cleaning it...  I don't need to work out today, I have to go grocery shopping instead...  I think I'm going to take myself to a movie, instead of read for my thesis proposal today because I might go insane if I don't.  Yes, something gets sacrificed so I can have time to myself.

I am looking forward to a time when I can actually just take a deep breath and do whatever I would like to do without sacrificing anything to do it.  Yes that time will come.  It's called the summer and/or fall of 2011.  Oh how that time can't come fast enough...

And Another One Bits the Dust...

In my last blog I mentioned a position at the office I decided to apply for that is full-time in the Office Services department.  I found out today that I did not get the job and basically sat around for two weeks waiting to hear back about it, only to find out that I was never even considered for it. 

Now, I'm not upset about not getting the job, in fact, I probably would have turned it down in the end.  What I'm upset about is being strung along for as long as I was.  If I was too late with my application to be considered, just tell me so.  Why the big show?!  I'm an adult; I can take the no.

This is the third time I've put my name in to be considered for a full-time position at the Law Office I work at and the third time I've been turned down.  Therefore, I've decided, yet again, to start the job search for a new job.  I know whatever I find will need to be part-time and flexible because of school.  I also know I will be taking a large pay cut with what ever job I end up with. 

I have a few ideas of where to start looking and until I find something else I will be staying in the part-time position I have now at the office. 

In an ideal world, I would stay at the office until September and then just be done working for the school year and focus on being a student, writing my thesis in the fall and working at a part-time job on campus, like the library or something like that to earn a little money to pay at least some of the bills every month.  Unfortunately, I've never been that lucky, so it will be interesting to see what the future brings on the job front in the next few months. 

Other than this disappointing day on the job front, things are going pretty good.  Research for my thesis proposal is coming along well thus far and wedding plans are continuing to come along pretty smoothly as well.  Invitations should arrive soon to be addressed and sent out in the near future.  I'm hoping, like, tomorrow, but who knows...

Holy dude, it's 11:04 in the pm.  I've got to get to bed.  "Check you later!"  (ala. Dazed and Confused style)

ChiTown, Work and 5Ks...

School's out for the summer!  Sort of, well, actually, it was for about two weeks but now I have to get back to business.  Here is a summary of what has happened in the last two weeks:

I decided, inspired by many friends, to attempt to run a 5K this summer.  It will be on July 24th at Lumber Jack Days in Stillwater, Minnesota.  I am pretty pumped about it actually.  I have a lot of work to do on my breathing methods when I'm running because of my sports asthma, but I think I can pull it off.  :)  And I will not be racing alone.  My friends Michelle and Eric Eckstrom and possibly a few others are going to be walking/running that day too.  It will be a venerable party!  Woot Woot!

As for work, blah... I am very torn about work.  With researching and writing my thesis this next year, I really need to be in full student mode, which work does not allow me to do.  If I was still working only 12 hours a week at the office things would be different.  And genius me thought it would be a great idea to put my name in the running for a 37.5 hour a week position.  For the summer it would be great, but once things really start picking up with school again, I will probably go crazy.  I have absolutely no idea what to do.  The extra money and being able to pay the bills for us would be awesome.  So would my sanity.  I already know what my mom will say.  Need to have the money to pay the bills.  That's true, but I also need the time to finish up my degree and graduate.  Ugh...expletive, expletive, EXPLETIVE being an adult!

As for ChiTown :D, I went to visit Jason in Valparaiso, Indiana this past weekend which was wonderful!  We spent Saturday in downtown Chicago, which I LOVED!  All the tall buildings and old buildings and parks and the Lake; LOVED IT!  I'm not sure I'd ever want to live there though.  It's a great place to visit for a few days, every few years or so, but to live there is another story.

So I have a mission for you all if you choose to accept it:  Say a few prayers for me as I discern what the "dude" to do about my work situation.  Currently I work 22.5 hours a week, which is fine, but there are problems that go along with it, which I can't get into on blogger.

Thanks for your continued support and I love you all very much!

My next blog will have actual pictures of our time in ChiTown. :)

Bye Bye 24! and the end of an era...

Wow, two series finales in two nights.  Although I was not emotionally compromised by the series finale of 24 as I was with last night's finale of LOST, it was still pretty freaking awesome!

It is the end of an era for me when it comes to television.  I can honestly say that there is not a single show on TV that I feel the need to cancel all things and drop off the face of the earth for an hour to watch.  Yes I enjoy aspects of GLEE, mostly Sue Silvester and the musical parts, but it is a show I don't mind watching online later on.  There are TV shows that I enjoy, don't get me wrong, but it's not the same as my enthrallment with LOST and 24. 

There is something about these two shows that captured my imagination, took me on a wild ride, to another world for an hour every season.  For one hour a week, sometimes two, I was able to put aside everything and escape from whatever was bothering me or not bothering me and enter a wholly different and sometimes extremely bizarre world on a mysterious island with mysterious people, or on a wild goose chase to stop the bad guys from killing millions of innocent people in the United States and around the world. 

There is nothing like LOST or 24 for me.  Though people will try to recreate these shows in their own way, I truly believe they will fail because the original is always the best.

So here's to an end of an era for me and television.  Looks like I'll be doing a lot more reading from now on.

(Aside:  So You Think You Can Dance is starting again this summer, so I will be watching one show on TV fanatically.  After it's over for the session, all bets are off.)