I was reading a friends blog today. This person's blog was about how blessed they were and how thankful they were for everything they had. I found myself thinking, "Good for them", not in a mean way, but in genuine happiness for this person.
Then I thought about what I am appreciative for. There was definitely not the same enthusiasm as my friend.
And then I began to wonder why this was? I have always been skeptical in regards to the word happiness. Happiness, feeling blessed can seem fleeting in the everyday bustle of life. These are good emotions to have, to feel, but to put one's whole self into them can lead to possible disappointment. I have felt blessed many times in life and I have been shit on by some of the people closest to me. I have been greatly scarred but also lifted up and helped to stand on my own to feet. Having seen and experienced the things I have in life, I can't help but be skeptical about the word happiness. I also can't help but wish I was more optimistic as my friend is.
Someday, maybe I'll be able to find a more equal balance between optimism and pessimism in my life. Maybe I will someday be able to put aside my skepticism and be more appreciative of what I have. I am truly working on it. I have been working on this part of myself for a long time. But then something happens and I am glad that I am a skeptical bitch sometimes.
So what's the point of all this? The point is, is that I am a skeptical person, I am also optimistic at times. I am both; this is who I am. I am not ashamed of who I am, how far I've come in bettering myself over the years. Therefore when I confront optimism coming from my friends or family, I will give thanks that there is happiness for that person. But as for myself and my own life, I always finding myself wondering if it is for real
No comments:
Post a Comment